Warning Signs in the Club Tonight!

I may have had the day off today but I've been a busy girl... I'm trying to keep myself occupied at the moment, living in this craphole of a flat... They even asked me if I'd be interested in covering shifts downstairs, and I KNOW the moment that they get me on their list that any time it's busy I WILL be called to come downstairs and help any time it's busy. No thank you, really... I don't want that at all... 
If I was going to take on another job it would be something totally different from the work I already do, aside from the fact that I am entertaining people as they buy cheese, I think I'd need to do something of a little different sort of entertainment?! 

When I first started Second Life, I like a lot of people started as a dancer and an escort. I read a LOT of smut and love it in lots of different forms. I was always a rather bad girl, until I settled down with my hubby that is captain vanilla and like a big teddybear... I love him, don't me wrong but I'm kinda dying to be a bad girl LOL... Maybe that's the new job I've got to start... Maybe I should go back to being an escort and let the bad girl run free... 
It's play time - as the signs on the toy shelves from Krescendo - state, and this club is known to get a little wild... While the money rains down, as I take a moment to sit comfortably - in a pose from piXit - and get a lot of attention just for eating one of the club's Naughty Waffles - from everfaery at this month's round of Lewd Station... It's true what some say, food kinks are the best paying kinks hehe... I will have to put up some signs to warn people about any wetness that may be present around the stage!!! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: [monso] - Sophie Hair in Black & Red (With extra bangs from the [monso] Pink Hair)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Outfit: Psycho Barbie - [Darkveil Set] in Fatpack
Lolly: everfaery - Naughty Waffles (Available until April 15th at Lewd Station)
Pose & Chair Prop: [piXit] - April, Pose 2
Yellow Signs: [Krescendo] - Wet Warning
Pink Signs: Elm - Slippery Safety Cone in Love Juice
Shelves: [Krescendo] - Spicy Shelf in Play Time Pink
Pole & Dance Pad: Violetility - Retrowave Dance Pole
Mop & Bucket: Elm - Slippery Safety Mop & Bucket
Panties: CHEZ MOI - Slippers and Panties
Money: (falling) [Bad Unicorn] - Falling Cash 'The Heat' & (floor) The Salvage Yard - Cash (No Longer Available!)
Backdrop: Paparazzi - BACKDROP - Night Stage 3

Crazy Days in the Paraphile Ward

Life is crazy right now and I feel like I'm living in a crazy house... I'm stuck in Holland while my mother is in hospital in the UK having some checks done because she's sick and it's driving me crazy... As if life wasn't crazy enough at the moment. I REALLY feel like I need a break from everything... Someone come and get me please... 

All I seem to do right now is hide away from the world when I'm not at work, all I want to do is sit around a read and hide from anything that looks like responsibilities... 
I mean the Smut that I tend to tead would get me into trouble with Jesus - like the poster states "Is that Smut?" in the neon frame from Venture - and so Rudh's been tied into the darkness to get some time away from everyone... Dressed for her own protection and forced to wear her Shock Treatment Crown - from NORUSH - but it's her imagination she truly has to worry about... My penchant for being a bit of a Paraphile, someone with an erotic interest in things that are inanimate objects among other things, and therefore being sent to the Paraphile ward - signs by Krescendo - definitely meant that she met my match in the Freaky Hands - from Tardfish - which must have come from the devil... I think I might like it here... 

What is she wearing;
Upper Helmet: [NORUSH] - Shock Treatment Crown
Lower Helmet: Boutique #187 - Dirty Helmet v2
Hair: [monso] - Morbid Hair in Black & Red
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available)
Hands: Tardfish - Freaky Hands
Top: CryBunBun - Daddy's Issue Top in Black
Pose & Ropes Prop: [piXit] - Roped Off, Pose F1
Sign: [Krescendo] - Ward Signs in Gold Paraphile
Picture: [ Venture ] - Is That Smut Neon Frame
Chains: [Krescendo] - Ceiling Chains
Backdrop: Paparazzi - BACKDROP - Creepy Corridor

Magical Dolly Monsters

Today was one of those boring but busy days at work, and because it was crappy weather, people were just hanging around and doing nothing but eating... It was hard trying to remain calm and not get mad at people for being like a plague of locusts that ate everything in sight... Due to this fact, right now I am freaking exhausted... 
That's what happens when you end up working hard and there never seems to be a break insight... Even a weekend doesn't seem long enough... 

Rudh has taken up a new challenge recently... She's been working hard on some magical new friends for herself, she wanted a collection of adorable new monsters in her life since the monsters that she surrounds herself by are far too much for her to hande right now... 
She's taken over her sisters Tailor Set - which was a past event release from ANTAYA - at her place in Briar Court - which is actually a backdrop from Synnergy.Tavis - and has been working really hard to replace the monsters around her with monsters that are better... A Soft & Spooky Collection - from Nylon Outfitters - of friends. It has kept her awake for far too long, and she may have a little insomnia right now, but as she's falling asleep it is the magic of her dreams that starts to to bring these new little friends to life... 

What is she wearing;
Hair: everfaery - Tasia Hair (Available until November 15th at Lewd Station)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Tired Make-Up: Izzie's - Insomnia
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available)
Tape & Bracelet: ANTAYA - Tailor Set in Pack 2
Top: The Kiwi Co - Ceres Top in The Orchard Edit
Pants: The Kiwi Co - Monaco Pants in The Orchard Edit
Pose & Table Prop: -Extra- - Cafe Babe, Pose 3M
Dolls: (Nylon Outfitters) - Soft & Spooky Collection
Sewing Tin: [littlep] - Mama's Cookie Box Set1 in Sewing Box
Sewing Box: random.Matter - Antique Shop II in Sewing Kit
Sewing Machine: Apple Fall - Vintage Sewing Machine
Other Sewing Props: ANTAYA - Tailor Set in Pack 1
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Briar Court {360} Backdrop

Fresh Out, So I'm Off!

That's it, it's officially Wednesday in my neck of the woods and that means only ONE THING this week... TODAY IS THE DAY I SAY BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... Today is the day that I am officially checking out of my adulting life because today is the day that I am going back to my parents for the week. I will be the only one there too, which means I get undivided attention - ask me later if that's still something I am happy about - but I guess one last post to you now can't and won't hurt... 

So I woke myself up WAY TOO EARLY, I dunno if it was excitement or stress induced but hey, it gave me an extra few hours to be able to sit down with a coffee and write to you about my immanent departure... I've checked and double checked that I have everything, and HellBone won't allow me to take the cat because he needs someone to look after him so I THINK I'm ready to go...  
SO I won't be around until the 22nd - although you know me I'll be lurking somewhere in the background and MAY even have a post prepared, though don't get your hopes up too much at this point - but don't miss me too much... I will be back!!!

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH - Angel in Redhead
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Necklace: imbue - Heart Necklace (Gift Available until March 1st at Cupid Inc)
Top: Adora-tions - Fresh Outta Fucks Crop Top
Jacket: Pseudo - Trucker Jacket in Black
Badges: BROKEN ARROWS - Single Botton (Gift Available until March 1st at Cupid Inc)
Pose: -Extra- - To All a Good Night (Part of a Couple Pose)
Bear: hive - My Colorful Teddy
Book: Puddles - Saucy Novel
Passport: rvn - Pack and Go Set in Passport
Case: FOXCITY. Prop - Luggage in Pink
Backdrop: SYNNERGY.TAVIS - Commercial Airlines {360} Backdrop

Horny Cravings

I have been a good girl for a little while now, but there comes a time when the bad little succubus inside likes to burst her way out of me and put on a show... She's a diva, she's a heartbreaker, but she will make sure that you have a great time while she does so... Let her be your dirty little heart-throb... 

When I develop these Horny Cravings - which is actually a backdrop set from The Bearded Guy - I don't minde being "all by myself" - a pose set from -Extra- - so long as I have a few good toys with me... Rudh the little succubus needs more entertainment, that's why she armed herself with a DG Leash - from Six Feet Under - to find a place to get someone all caught up... 

What is she wearing;
Horns: Tardfish - Ribbon Horns in White
Hair: [monso] - Lara Hair in Black & Red
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Drool: .ARISE. - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Necklace: CHANDRA - Temprest Choker
Tattoos: SAMIA - SUSIO BODY TATTOO in BLACK
Pastie: Converge - Leather Pasties (No Longer Available!)
Wings: Sweet Thing - Demon Wings
Leash: Six Feet Under - DG Leash
Dress: CryBunBun - Caught Up Dress in BlackRip
Tail: Sweet Thing - Demon Tail
Boots: REIGN - LUST THIGH HIGH BOOTS
Pose & Props: -Extra- - All By Myself, Pose 1
Backdrop: The Bearded Guy - Horny Cravings in Amor Perverso

Packing Up The Boxes

It's that time of year again... No it's not a holiday, or even a special event for just myself, but it is the time of year when we're moving into one of the prettier seasons of the year. Gone will be the snow - perhaps sooner in SL than in RL - but as the seasons change and our little plot of SL land goes from white back to green, I start to get itchy feet... It's that one of those times in the year when I force HellBone to get gardening and building me a new house... 

There's a total Moving Day Scene - a backdrop from Synnergy.Tavis, along with the boxes that I have stuffed full of all kinds of odds'n'sods - playing out in our garden right now... Boxes and piles of stuff stacked everywhere, furniture flying around and having to keep more eyes than I have on all of my animals running around in case one of them gets in the way... Question is, what kind of house will I be moving into this time?! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: Magika - Erin
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Top: Mug - Donna Tee in Black
Cardigan: Mug - Harper Sweater in Gray
Pants: Mug - Eliza Pants in Gray
Box & Lollipop: SYNNERGY.TAVIS - U-Move [Holdable Item]
Cat: JIAN - Curious Kitties in Clinger Tuxedo
Pose: Secret Poses - Anna, Pose 1
Dog: JIAN - Great Danes in Adults Harlequin
Backdrop:  SYNNERGY.TAVIS - Moving Day Scene

Breakfast in Bed

Last night was a bad one, I'd been up and down all night with a migraine, and if you know what migraines are like you will know how much torture it was... I have migraines fairly regularly and have done since I was a teenager. There are many illnesses out there that do some horrible things to a body, but anything in the head always seems more debilitating as the brain just is far too painful to work and all you want to do is sleep...  
I finally got some sleep this morning and woke up to the hubby bringing me a cup of coffee and some painkillers in bed... Breakfast would have been nice too, but I can't get everything I want... 

I'm in bed, resting my head in both worlds... The Bed I have in Second Life is one that I've had for years because it's one of my favourite items of furniture. I love to snuggle up in my bed, it's a HUGE Wingback bed made for Sweet Dreams - from Dust Bunny - although it's so big and loaded with pillows that my plushies have been known to get lost amongst them... 
The look on my face clearly shows the way I feel, pain mixed with insomnia - thanks to Izzie's - so I think it's a good idea to stay in bed - thanks to a pose from FOXCITY - in my comfy Hati loungewear set - from miss chelsea at The Fifty until November 20th. While I was sleeping, HellBone snuck out to the local Hangry diner and made a Breakfast Run for sausage & egg muffins and plenty of hash browns, he even stopped in at the Hive to get some hot tea for me and fresh coffee for him... 

What is she wearing;
Hair Accessory & Hair: Magika - Dolly
Skin:  amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Eye Bags: Izzie's - Insomnia
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Outfit: miss chelsea - Hati Set (Available until November 20th at The Fifty)
Pose: FOXCITY - Stay in Bed, Pose 5
Food: Hangry - Breakfast Run
Drink: Hive - Hot Tea & Coffee To Go
Cat: Apple Fall - Halloween Plush Pack in Socks Cat
Bed: dust bunny - Sweet Dreams in Wingback Bed

Crabs in the Crabs Legs!

Once again, it's dinner time and I'm thinking about what it is that I want to blog today... Due to the fact that it is dinner time, all I keep thinking about is something to eat. That's why I end up looking at things that involve food and so today, again, I'm working on something a little foody... 
I've decided to start a different kind of blog, maybe more of a vlog... I'll myself up a camera and feed myself to make one of those fancy Mukbang munching videos... 

I set myself up in a cute little booth, decorated with all sorts of different beachy, fishy decor and set myself up a camera and light. Everything was ready, and it was time to set the food on the table and take a seat, I've got myself a delicious tray of crab legs, another try of noodles and LOTS of dipping sauce - delivered from Junk Food - it's going to get VERY messy... I got myself totally ready by adding my lil Bib - which is from Buglets and is actually for kid avis but can be resized - and topped the Mukbang meal outfit off with a Crabby Headband - from Ananas at The Fifty until June 20th. I was ready to eat...
I'd only started a little, when I heard movement... THERE WAS A LIVE ONE... A LIVE CRAB... I guess it's noodles for me tonight?!  

What is she wearing;
Head Accessory: Ananas - Crabby Headband (Available until June 20th at The Fifty)
Hair: Magika - Oats
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Messy Face: Izzie's - Mouth Mess in Food Mess Ketchup
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Bib: Buglets - Clara Bib in Blush
Top: Decoy - Maya Crop
Messy Hands: Clemmm - Bloody Hands
Pose: FOXCITY - Beauty, Pose 5
Mukbang Foods & Light: Junk Food - Mukbang Fatpack
Crab: MishMish - Cutie Crab Attachment in Orange
Starfish: hive - Flor Starfish in Brown & Yellow
Splats: NOMAD - Splatter in Red
Glass Bouys: isil - *Maine* Glass Floats
Fishing Nets: DRD - Boho Fish Shack in Bouy Bunches
Backdrop: Focus Poses - California Burger Backdrop 

Am I A Good Puppy?

Sometimes I get inspired to try things that I don't normally do, I mean I can be a bit of a bad girl, and I LOVE doing things that are a little risque but something I've never really had much success at is anything like pet play... I'm not a kitten, and I'm definitely not a puppy - at least not normally - I couldn't really get into the new cow girl looks, and I only tend to be a fluffy bunny at Easter, lol, but I don't know what I'd be really...

How do you think that I'm doing handling the whole Puppy Play asthetic, I think I make a fairly adorable little puppy... What do you think?
It seemed to have been fairly easy thanks to the Dollholic release "Pet Play Puppy Set" from Boutique #187. A handy set for anyone that's wanting to test the puppy play look, the set includes collar, ears and even a pacifier - which is something I'd NEVER use, I just cant use them... 
I had to of course Rudhify the Puppy Look I was going with... An adorable Ball Gag, as all puppies like balls - with the Charming Ball Gag in a heart design from Short Leash, available at Kinky - and although it's not totally in keeping I needed to hide one of my eyes behind the heart EYEpatch - from Insomnia Angel - and let me see you through different eyes...

What is she wearing;
Ears: Boutique #187 - Pet Play Puppy Headband (Available until March 11th at Dollholic)
Hair: Olive - the Cindy Hair (Available until March 31st at Melody)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Eye-Patch: Insomnia Angel - heart EYEpatch
Gag: Short Leash - Charming Ball Gag in Heart  (Available until March 22nd at Kinky Event)
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool (No Longer Available!)
Collar: Boutique #187 - Pet Play Puppy Collar (Available until March 11th at Dollholic)
Dress: #Cloe - Francis Dress in Onyx
Pose: Secret Poses - Good Vibes, Pose 3M (Available until March 15th at The Liaison Collaborative)
Backdrop: Neverwish - Pyramid Spike Wall Panel (Available until March 23rd at Cyber Fair) 

Midnight can be FULL of Colours!

I've just been watching the newest Disney movie "Encanto", and I love it... The songs, the colours, and the storyline are all a match-made in Disney Heaven... It's also got me craving colours and vibrancy... So today, I'm all about colour... So much so that I'll going to throw it everywhere, the brighter the better... 

So perhaps all of these colours don't really fit with the Midnight Order of things - I mean Midnight Order is about the dark, gothic and macabre, and well I look like an explosion in the rainbow factory... 
Trying to hide the darker parts of her - like her new tattoo from GERMINAL that show her being one of the "Children of the Dark" - under a brightly, coloured spray of paints, including some luminous firefly green stripe tattoos - from Evil Baby and Ctrl-Z - and the blue pain that fans out like wings as it hits her back... 

What is she wearing;
Headdress: Zibska - Sarka Headpiece (Available until February 20th at Midnight Order)
Hair: Olive - the Usagi Hair
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Rainbow Body Tattoo: THIS IS WRONG - Holi Tattoo & Pollock Tattoo in Pride Festival Pack
Mouth Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool
Black Stripe Tattoo: GERMINAL - Children of the Dark Tattoo (Available until February 20th
at Midnight Order)
Green Arm Tattoos: Evil Baby & Ctrl-Z - Bathory Tattoo in Firefly Green (Available until February 20th at Midnight Order)
Rings: Schadenfreude -  Geo Rings in Element Geo Ringset (Available until February 20th at Midnight Order)
Wings: Evil Baby - Bathory Wings (Available until February 20th at Midnight Order)
Bra: Mon Cheri - Vegas Bikini in Teal
Pose: {NANTRA} - Nailed IT, Pose 1
Backdrop: The Bearded Guy - The Inception Green 

I'm Getting Off The Naughty List!

 It's been a very long time since I let myself get a little naughty and I have a funny feeling that right now, I have to get myself out of a tricky situation... I heard from a failry reliable source that should not be named, but apparently my name is visible on a certain fat man in red's naughty list... 
Now I know that it might get me deeper down the list but I know the way that might work... It might also make me Santa's Baby?! 

Dressed like a naughty little Elf - thanks to an amazing outfit created by 1313 Mockingbird Lane, available at Tannenbaum, and more visible if you want to check the advert that I've added below - I found a way into the big guy's room and waited, surprised to see the amount of things that HE should be on his own naughty list for... 
I got the chance to speak with him, and he luckily he agreed there was a way I could get off the list... Ten minutes later I was bound and gagged, Strung Up with Christmas Lights - thanks to an amazing  Gag and set of cuffs and collar from Short Leash - BUT I had a gift from Mr.Clause, well a gift or two hehe... 

What is she wearing;
Hat: 1313 Mockingbird Lane - Elfin' Hot Hat (Available until December 25th at Tannenbaum)
Hair: Doe - Avery V1
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Gag: Short Leash - Strung Up Gag (Available until December 22nd at Kinky)
Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool
Collar & Cuffs: Short Leash - Strung Up Collar & Cuff Set 
Outfit: 1313 Mockingbird Lane - Elfin' Hot Hat (Available until December 25th at Tannenbaum)
Pose: -Extra- - Naughty Girl
Santa: Better Gnomes and Cauldrons - Santa Claus Model
Decor: LEMME - Dear Santa, I Can Explain Collection (Available until December 31st at The Arcade)
Neon Lights: floorplan - Neon Santa Baby
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Bad Habits in Dark 

Defeating the Monsters

I'm sick of the Monsters, both the ones that live in my head and the ones that seem to appear out of no where in life... Just when I think they have been quietened, they appear like a bad smell to raise my anxiety levels and make me paranoid. I'm getting better at standing up against these monsters, at removing myself from the situations that feature them, but I'm left a nervous ball of anxiety... 

Even in the safety of the asylum in my mind, these monsters can appear at any time... I'm sick of being haunted by them, and I will defeat them one by one... 
This time I caught the monster in a devil's trap and I will be expelling it from my life since ignoring it wasn't going to ever be good enough. She lures you in with sweet words, the things you long to hear, the scent of roses, but then spreads the virus that is spreading over her petite frame... 

What is she wearing:
Horns: Tentacio - Maddy Horn in Black (Available until July 22nd at Kinky)
Hair: Olive - the Camilla Hair
Tiara & Mask: Axix - Impious Crown in Onix (Available until July 22nd at Kinky)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Face & Chest Marks: A.D.D. Andel - The Virus
Mouth Blood: ARISE - Blood Lip in Tone 3
Collar: random.Matter - Wretched Collar
Bandage Outfit: CUREMORE - Scar Tissue Gacha Item in Patient Bandages RARE
Arm Blood: Axix - Lilith's Vestigium in Red (Available until July 22nd at Kinky)
Corset: Tentacio - Maddy Corset in Black (Available until July 22nd at Kinky)
Body Scars: A.D.D. Andel - The Virus : The Spread (Available until July 18th at The Warehouse Sale)
Black Mist: Cole's Corner - Enchantress Aura
Green Mist: Cole's Corner - Wicked Witch Heatwave Aura
Pose: Be My Mannequin - Be My Mannequin?
Backdrop: CRYSTAL - Silent Room

Drinks for a Eurovision Party!

It´s a fun kinda day here in the Netherlands, and in fact in many places within Europe, as today is the day that the Eurovision is taking place... For the people that don´t know, Eurovision is a competition between all of the European countries filled with crazy singing, crazier performances and costumes that defy the crazy... It´s also always been a great excuse for a party... This year, it´s even more exciting since it´s in the Netherlands... 

I made sure I dressed myself up for a party, heading out to grab myself a few drinkies - at the Buddha Bar Sky Lounge - as well as a bottle of the finest Rocky Top Whiskey - from Junk Food - and got ready to celebrate with some of Europe's cheesiest. I wish I could say finest but we never watch Eurovision for the best of the best lol, never get your hopes up that high LOL...

What is she wearing;
Hair:  Magika - Sage Hair
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mouth Blood: ARISE - Blood Lip in Tone 3
Collar & Leash: Mug - Deviant Doll Gacha Item in #12 Clothspins Black
Jacket: Mug - Jessie Jacket in Black 
Drink: Junk Food - Rocky Top Whiskey V2
Outfit: [Cynful] -  No Filter Outfit in Dark Grey
Heart Wounds: duckie - cruel BOM Classic Gacha Items in 10.RARE
Pose: FOXCITY - Sweetie, Pose 4 

Needing A Cool Drink

It's been one of those days when I feel totally blah and somewhat dead on the inside.. Most of the time the Living Dead Doll that I am normally loves feeling dead but today I'm not sure I'm able to deal with that... I just wanted to get home and relax, but there I could chillax with a nice cold drink! 

Now, we know that as a Living Dead Doll, Rudh does things a little differently... Wandering around the halls of the Westwing Castle - a skybox from MINIMAL - in the Bizenghasp, Rudh sipped at her fresh cup of Virgin's Blood - from the juice bar at TRIGGERED. 

What is she wearing; 
Hair: Magika - Beans in [01] 
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory 
Mouth Blood: ARISE - Blood Lip in Tone 3 
Necklace: (Yummy) - Satin Bow & Pearls in Black 
Drink: TRIGGERED - Virgin's Blood Cup 
Outfit: duckie - Elle Bodysuit, Skirt & Bow (Sold Separately) in Black 
Pose: FOXCITY - Juice, Pose 4 
Backdrop: MINIMAL - Westwing Castle RARE 

Pictures of Mixed Emotions

I'm currently on a little bit of an emotional roller-coaster, and so as well as a pretty picture, this post may end up becoming one of my venting places - somewhere I can unleash my thoughts just as I would if this was my journal. I've always said that my blog is somewhat a diary for me, allowing me to share my thoughts and feelings, and acting as a little bit of a therapy at times. So if you're only interested in the pretties, that's fine, but the credits at the bottom are the details, if not please feel free to read my ramblings... 

This one is actually on the personal side, and more RL than I might normally share, but I have a need to ramble. Judge me if you will, but guidance and support is preferred, and if you have any suggestions you know how to find me! 
Now, you may have heard that I am currently visiting my family in RL... I LOVE being back home, I love being able to rest and recharge, not think about the general day to day things that make normal life so monotonous. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, my work, my addiction to SL, but being able to come back to the place I was born and raised allows me to feel a new fizz of happiness in my head. 
Yet there are things going on here, things that are beyond my control, and I feel powerless. Unhappiness amongst members of my close family. Unhappiness, stubbornness, and a distancing that seems to be pushing my once very close family apart... It brought me to tears because I am powerless to stop it, there seems to be nothing that I can do and even though me being here provides some light relief, the cracks seem to be expanding. 
I'm frustrated with my sister in the fact that she can still happily live at home with my parents, in some ways widening the cracks of the problems, but she's also keeping things together in other ways too. 
In addition to that, after seeing the decline in both my maternal grandparents, it adds to the powerlessness. Living so far away from the people that I love and care for most in the world, makes things seem so difficult. 
Being here has helped me relax, forget the stresses and homesickness of being an expat, and it's even given me moments of sparkling joy, yet I know that soon I will be leaving, heading back to my normality and I will be leaving with those doubts in my mind. The uncertainties that will cause me to think and over think, it's a daunting and scary set of thoughts. I am trying to focus on the positives of my visit home, but departing from it will be harder this time than usual and I'll admit I'm feeling more than a little apprehensive about doing so. How can I cling to these feelings of normality, when things are far from normal and a lot closer to the surface than they ever have been before? How can I go home acting like everything is normal? They always say that the future is bright, but right now my future - and the future of my family in particular - is anything but certain. I feel such a mess of emotions, hiding behind a mask of happiness... I'm happy, healthy and relaxed, but those terrible feelings of anxiety are bubbling below the surface, I must not let them boil over... I must just remember that, on this occasion, there is nothing I can do... 

What is she wearing;
Hair: DOUX - Danni Hairstyle in Basic Pack  
Skin: Glam Affair - Seya in Europa 2 
Glasses: AsteroidBox - Theia Glasses in Color Pack 
Tears: ARISE - Running Mascara 
Sweater: MUSU - Mouthy 
Pants: Zenith - Drop Down Garter Legging in Black 
Pose: Reve Obscura - Memories Bento Pose 
Backdrop: Paparazzi - Starlit Staircase 2 (Available for use at Backdrop City)

Yes to All of the Afterglow

So I've mentioned that Afterglow is a new adult event that focuses the fun adult entertainments... I already talked about the fun in the snow, but what would an adult event be without a few sex toys, and a little sexy time! It's time to say "Yes to All..." 

Saying "Yes to All" is easy when you have the Vio Booth, I'm already a little messy from the fun that I'm having... I'm even being a little bit of a naughty tease, posing like I'm the one in-charge and you have to "Obey Me" in a Black Cat Pose, but really the smile on my face really comes from the Doubledog Sex Machine - from Since1975 - all of these awesome things are available at Afterglow!

What is she wearing;
Hair: DOUX - Aysha Hairstyle in Basics Pack 
Glasses: ellemeno - Dirty Glasses in Black (No Longer Available!)
Skin: Glam Affair - Seya in Europa 2 
Mouth Drool: ARISE - Lip Drool 
Collar: MoDANNA - Enlace Collection in Leash Choker Black (No Longer Available!)
Dress: Tentacio - Tamsy Nurse Dress in Black 
Panties: MUSCHI - Panties Down in Black 
Boots: REIGN - NUDE ATTITUDE THIGH HIGHS in Glass 
Pose: Black Cats Poses - Obey Me, Pose 1 (Available until December 6th at Afterglow) 
Backdrop: Vio// - Yes to All Photobooth (Available until December 6th at Afterglow) 
Machine: [Since1975] - Doubledog Sex Machine (Available until December 6th at Afterglow) 
Shelves: LEMME - I'm a bad girl RARE 
Tray: The Horror! - Size Kween Collection in Cherry 
Sybian: The Horror! - Sybae in Bubblegum 
Wall Rack: LEMME - Dark Pleasures RARE 
Unicorn: The Horror! - Unihorny in Basics Pink (Available until November 25th at ROMP) 

Roses Red and Eyes of Bloodstone

For a while now I've been kinda sweetness and light, but there are just some days when a girl needs to let out her inner darkside, and today is one of those days for me... It's so hot here, I feel like I'm melting but I'm stuck behind a PC working so there's no rest of the wicked. 
So I'm letting the Inner Dead Doll out to play for a bit, she can handle the heat considering her vacation home is in the depths of Hell... She's happy to be let out to smell the flowers... 

The look in her eyes tells me that even she's finding it a little too hot though, and she's hiding in the dark hoping that her flowers don't wilt too fast... Suddenly though the sky is opening up and big drops of rain are falling... HEAVEN!!!
Look into her eyes, they are so pretty... I love these pretty Mystic Eyes in a bloodstone colour. They are a special new release from Zombie Suicide, for the Women Only Hunt that runs until June 22nd. 
Hiding amongst the roses - a set of Camilla Gacha Items from LODE - the barbed wire worn as a decoration piercing her skin and holding together the parts of her face! 
For those of you that aren't a fan of red eyes, there are lots of different colours that you can find in the hunt, so I borrowed a copy of the ad for the Mystic Eyes and decided to share it with you here...

What is she wearing;
Roses: LODE - Camilla Gacha Items in Wreath & Mouth Cover in Red 
Hair: Truth - Elie (Past Group Gift) 
Barbed Wire Mask & Bracelet: [CURELESS] - Barbedwire Kiss Set in Silver 
Eyes: Zombie Suicide - Mystic Eyes in Bloodstone (Available until June 22nd at Women Only Hunt)
Tear Make-Up: Izzie's - Little Tears & Izzie's - Tears Applier 
Large Scar: Pimp My Shit - Zombie Tattoo 
Cracking: ARISE - Crackling Mask in Tone 2 
Necklace: Static - Barbed Wire Necklace in Bloody Nightmare 
Pose: Secret Poses - Sunglasses, Pose 1 
Backdrop: MINIMAL - Insomnia Dining Room *5* (Available for use at Backdrop City) 

When Exhaustion makes you Cry...

It has been a busy few days for me, I've been working my little butt off in the cheese shop and now I'm more than a little exhausted. Thank heavens for the weekend I hear you say, but even then I'm being kept busy-ish with my SL job so there's no rest for the wicked. It's making me cranky, and causing a lot of stress, and that in turn is making me want to do nothing but hide from the world and cry a little... That's just what I intend to do today... 

Snuggled up in my favourite pair of silly old pyjamas - or in Rudh's case a Sakura Kigurumi Onesie in a Frankenstein design - she's going to hide away from the world and snuggle up with her cats. Shed a few tears - thanks to this rather awesome collection of "Not so Hot" poses from Image Essentials for eBento - and try to feel a little bit better... 
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to wish upon a star and hope that I get some peaceful, restful sleep... 

What is she wearing;
Hair: Moon - Phase in RedHeads 
Skin: Glam Affair - Seya in Europa 2 
Tears: Arise - Running Mascara in Tone 6 
Face Wound: Izzie's - Sick Face 
Pyjamas: {Sakura} - Kigurumi Gacha Item in Frankenstein 
Pose: Image Essentials - Not So Hot, Poses 1 (Available until May 31st at eBento) 
Bed: dust bunny - Sweet Dreams in Wingback Bed 
Black Cat: Jian - Teddy Cuddlers in Kitten 
Grey Cat: Birdy - Shabby Cats Gacha Item in Hug-A-Bear Grey 
Box: Junk Food - Tissues Box 
Light: Krescendo - Electric Ever After Gacha in Wish upon a Star 

Deadly Elf is NOT for the Shelf!

Somethings up with Jack, Somethings up with Jack... The Pumpkin King has GONE again!! Missing from Halloween Town in the midst of preparations for the next Halloween Holiday... But where can he be?! 
There's a rumour circulating around the holiday lands that this year the Christmas elves are not going to risk Halloween taking over the next Christmas again, and are stepping in to stop that from happening! There's even a rumour of a special elf which has no joy on his mind, only keeping Jack from breaking Christmas! They keep him locked away where it's dark and cold, where there's no "making Christmas"!

I was lucky enough to be able to find Jack and the evil Christmas elf, deeply hidden in the darkest corner of the North Pole. This is way beyond the naughty list, this is where the torturous magic happens! Unfortunately for the elves, they've made a bit of a bad mistake! It's not the real Jack, it's Rudh in her Nightmare before Christmas costume!! Maybe they know that though, maybe it's more of a warning to Jack?! Wonder if the elf realised yet that she kinda likes the choking?! 
One thing for sure though, this Elf won't be on a Shelf once Santa realises that he's torturing the wrong Skellington!!

What are they wearing;
Rudh:
Hair: Wasabi Pills - Claudette in Reds 
Skin: Glam Affair - Seya in Europa 2 
Glasses: Suicidal Unborn - Esme Glasses in Ink 
Snowflake Wounds: Zombie Suicide - Snowflake Cuts 
Lip Blood: ARISE - Lip Blood in Tone 3 
Outfit & Socks: CURELESS[+] - Christmas Nightmare Gacha Items
Boots: Essenz - Denmark in Black 
Hell:
Outfit (Including Hat, Jacket & Pants: HotDog - Elf on the Shelf Gacha Items in coat Bad Elf RARE 
Gloves: Tonktastic - Protection Gloves
Pose: -Extra- - Your Owner 
Backdrop: [CerberusXing] - Crucifix Corridor (Available until December 31st at Eclipse) 
Wreath: CURELESS[+] - Christmas Nightmare Gacha Item in Killer Wreath EXCLUSIVE

A Thanksgiving Dinner Disaster

It's Thanksgiving... Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends out there. It's not something that I am ever really involved with, since being British and living in Europe we never celebrate the holiday much... I am lookinf forward to the Black Friday Sales that start tomorrow, I will be heading out to fight the crowds in SL as soon as I wake up, but for now I'm feeling lonely. 
There's a story to my sadness, one that I won't be making public here - as I don't want this to become a rant, those that need to know will know - yet I spent AGES cooking a ham only to be left with charcoal... Luckily it's Holland, the Chinese Restaurant was open! 

My Dinner Disaster - an awesome set from Violetility for Tannenbum - could be a scene from Thanksgiving or Christmas depending on which holiday you celebrate, the burnt ham replaced by boxes of Chinese take-out, some large glasses of Whiskey - thanks to my Junk Food Whiskey Dispenser, which is available at Man Cave - and an ample supply of Cigarettes! 
I'd even made the effort to dress all nice, in this amazing Crochet Duster - from Oubliette for SWANK - I'd done my hair all Doe pretty and put some make-up on... That you can see in the way it's running down my face! 
I'll get over my sadness, I always do, but for now... WHISKEY IS THE ANSWER!

What is she wearing;
Hair: Doe - Charity in Gingers 
Skin: Glam Affair - Seya in Europa 2 
Eyes: Izzie's - Lua Eyes in Teary Eyes RARE 
Mascara Tears: ARISE - Running Mascara in 6 
Jacket & Top: Oubliette - Crochet Duster in Pewter (Available until November 31st at SWANK) 
Pose & Prop: FOXCITY - Indulge, Pose 6 
Table, Chair & Food Décor: Violetility - Dinner Disaster Set (Available until December 22nd at Tannenbaum) 
Drink: Junk Food - Whiskey Dispenser (Available until December 9th at Man Cave) 
Ashtray: nefarious.inventions - Drafted Ashtray (No Longer Available!)
Wreath: Apple Fall - Pumpkin Harvest Wreath 
Building: Scarlet Creative - Prairie Tan Cottage