Naughty Thots Being Censored

Hard to believe that the month of August is ALMOST gone, and by the end of today we're FINALLY entering the Brrrr months... Autumn has ALWAYS been more of my happy place, Spring is pretty and Winter is fine SURE, but Autumn... I'm happiest there! 
The other place that I ALWAYS seem happiest at the moment is when I can lose myself in a good book. Now I'll admit that lately I haven't been able to, but it's coming back slowly and I have to get my ass into gear so I can still meet this year's target LOL... The sudden interest in reading again is definitely having a few effects on other aspects of my life too... 

It's definitely had an influence on my blogging choice today LOL... I'm still not in the happiest of places, and life is still dragging me by the thong - which is one of my new favourite statements on a shirt thanks to The Kiwi Co - but I guess I have one thing on the brain - lol thanks to everfaery's Thot Bubbles - and these books are helping me act on it... It's been a while since the bad girl in me was released, and my cat has become a "Censor Cat" - from Tardfish - to hide my slutty shame LOL... 

What is she wearing;
Bubble: everfaery - Thot Bubbles
Hair: TRUTH - Verse in Redhead
Glasses: [Since 1975] - Eyeglasses & Condoms
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mouth Money: Mug - Exotic Dancer Gacha Item in #3 Naughty Mouth
Collar & Leash: GABRIEL - Take Me Leash in Black
Top: The Kiwi Co - Graphic Dropped Cami
Panties: Mug - Exotic Dancer Gacha Item in #13 Trixie Thong Black
Cat: Tardfish - Censor Cat in Yams
Pose & Chair: piXit -Elina, Pose 4
Cushions: [Krescendo] - Afterdark Pillow (White colour text used, pillow re-coloured by me!) 
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - CLUB X 

Twenty Years, but no Celebrating!

Today is Rudh's, and therefore MY, 20th Rezday in Second Life... Hard to believe that I've been coming into the crazy world today for 20 long years. Normally I'd be all excited, celebrating and treating the day like my second real Birthday, but this year I don't really feel like celebrating especially after the news of the last few days... 
So this year I'm doing a little reflecting, a lot of thinking and a fair bit of how will my future look going forward... Will I be in Second Life next year when Rudh turns a legal drinking age for America?! 

Over the last two days we have had the announcements that two of the world's greats have left us... Dolly Parton was an Icon, even if you weren't into country music it's not possible to have missed her. EVERYONE has jammed out at some point to a little Jolene, or a bit of 9-5 when the work day was terrible... Tim Curry was one of MY personal Icons, he was a pirate, a blob of evil tar, the world's most twisted clown and many other things but for me, he was the best "Sweet Transvestite" that ever lived... There will be no other 'real' Frankenfurter although others try, so can we do the "Time Warp" and bring them both back?! 
These losses on top of losing Mum last month, and I'm positively NOT in a celebration kinda mood... Although Rudh turning 20 isn't something I can and should ignore... We're not only in double digits now, we're in our second decade... I started when we didn't even have more than prims to play with and flexi was becoming a new thing. Now look at us, we're deeply in our mesh era back to adding clothing layers and have more choices than ever before, yet still people make it a competition and a reason to fight with each other. I love Second Life, it's brought me some of my best things in life, but it's also caused me a LOT of heartache too... Do I miss all the people and things that have left my life? No, not really, not all of them at least... Would I change the way my SL has been? No, not at all, though maybe in hidsight I might have avoided one or two people I knew... Do I think I'll be here another 10 years? By that time I'll be 50, who knows where I'll be?! 
Happy Rezday Rudh... Thank you for being my doll for all these years and putting up with all the crap I've made you do LOL... 

What is she wearing;
Hat & Hair: [monso] - Soph Hair in Black & Red
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Necklace: Kibitz - Ivy's Collar in Silver
Jacket: Pseudo - Leo Leather Jacket in Black
Top: The Kiwi Co.  - Graphically Unhinged Tanks
Tights: Psycho Barbie - [Nox Stockings]
Shorts: miss chelsea - Jaci Shorts
Bracelet: SEKA's - Punkette Wrist
Pose & Props: [piXit] - Punk Much?, Pose F1
Cat: JIAN - Cat Deco Collection in Static Stretcher Up (No Longer Available!)
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - Nagoya 

Fancy Dinners at the Velvet Nocturne

It's my turn to cook dinner today and I'm really not in the mood for anything special... You know how some days it's "I'm really craving...", then there are the days when no one in the house can decide what they want for dinner and it becomes again of "I dunno, what do you want?", today I'm having one of those "I'll make something easy" kinda feelings... Something that reminds me of home and makes people in Holland look at me like I'm bonkers until they taste it! Nothing fancy though like I said...

Rudh on the other hand is going to one of those super fancy, masquerade dinners held by the local vampire elites... They've provided the most decadent of starters for our little sea monster... Pearls in the shell with caviar and oysters... 
The theme of the night is that of decadence... A party fit for Midas and his touch of gold, a place where the Greek Gods of old would feel welcome. Rudh is dripping in pearls, wearing the hands of Hermes - from Tentacio - as her mask and a dress of spun golden roses - which is actually the Rose Dress from AsteroidBox at this month's round of Collabor88, I'll admit as much as I loved the front, the BACK was just *chef's kiss* and I feel we need to give the back of garments more love sometimes LOL - and it's a perfect look for an evening at the Velvet Nocturne - from Synnergy.Tavis - don't you think? 

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH & FAGA - Clarity in Redhead
Mask: Tentacio - Hermes Mask in Gold and Black
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Necklace: (Yummy) - Pearl Cascade Necklace
Body Pearls: Insomnia Angel - Body Pearls
Dress: AsteroidBox - Rose Dress (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Pose & Glass Prop: piXit - Ivory Whispers, Pose 3
Table Decor: [lilp] - Glitz n Glam, Fancy Decor - Open Caviar Tin in Orange (Past Gacha Item), DISORDERLY - Pearlized in Bowl (Past Gacha Item) & BROKEN ARROWS - Santorini in Shell & Pearls
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Velvet Nocturne {360} Backdrop

Puppy Dog Beach Days!

I started back at work this week after a month of mourning and I'll be totally honest, it's drained me of energy but it did feel kinda good to start finding my "normal" without mum around... Having a routine, being around friends and colleagues that care, getting out and seeing things outside my house, so many things to distract me has actually been pretty ok. The worst part was talking to people that knew what happened, about what happened... Customers that had no idea, it's easy to play a part in front of... 
Today though I NEEDED a rest and a chance to feel happy again... 

I'm sure that mum is somewhere my pets are, probably playing with Izzy right now on the beach and enjoying the Summer Sunshine... Apparently it's going to get MUCH hotter here again, and maybe that's why I'm feeling so drained, the weather cannot make up it's mind and people are getting colds! 
I'm going to spend the day at the beach with them, mum and puppy and me... Well puppy me anyway! Puppy me is far too cute, a little like Mum's "dog" - which was actually a fox that was born in my parents garden that always came back to visit for something delicious! - with some very hairy, soft ears! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: everfaery - Pupperette Hair in Full Pack (Available until September 8th at ACCESS)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mouthie: [Krescendo] - Rope Toy
Collar: Kibitz - Emma's Collar in Silver
Top: AsteroidBox - Elowen Set in Top (Available until September 8th at ACCESS)
Shorts: AsteroidBox - Willow Shorts (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Tail: HAZEL - CANINE BUNDLE in Tail
Pose & Ball/Glasses Props: piXit - Summer Vibes P1, Pose F5
Backdrop: SYNNERGY.TAVIS - Beachfront [360] Backdrop

Closing Away the Midnight Order!

Today is the 20th of August, WHERE DID AUGUST GO? We're nearly done, it's nearly over and there is SO MUCH that has happened I feel like my head is spinning a little bit... Today is also the day that the Midnight Order closes it's doors on this visit, and so it's time to start locking the dark little monsters away before they can continue to wreak havoc in Second Life... 

The team is slowly rounding them up, locking them in their specially designed cells and discussing the possibilities of them coming out to play in a few months for Halloween... Can you believe that it's ALMOST Halloween season?! 
Lots of these monsters are being "housed" in the LAB FIK - a backdrop from Paleto - where they can be constantly monitored... The guards are protected by the latest in Tubed Gas Mask Technology - thanks to the ERG release for Midnight Order - as if the locks fail, the area will be filled with some very strong knock-out gasses. Failing that, each staff member carries their own Waffle "Toothpick" knife for added safety... If they lose it, that's their problem, all staff are issued with these daggers! 
We do have one other way that the duards can communicate with the central offices... Each guard is provided with a Mood Board - from Boutique #187, available now at Ouh LaLa until September 18th - so they can communicate through the cameras in the eventuality that communications go down!! 
We at the Midnight Order like to keep our staff safe from Monster Rage! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: Exile -  Signe in Fantasy
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mask: (:ERG:) - Tubed Gas Mask (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Outfit: AZARAN - ROSE OUTFIT (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Sign: Boutique #187 - Mood Board (Available until September 8th at Ouh LaLa)
Knife: [WAFFLE] - Toothpick  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Pose: [piXit] - Melanie, Pose 4
Model: H&C - Crazy
Pipes: Petrichor - Kerethan Pipe
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - LAB FIK 

Glamorous Monsters of the Deep

I guess I'm feeling a bit better, I mean I'm not great, no where near back to normal, but tomorrow I've decided that I'll attempt working again. It won't be an all day thing yet, I'm prone to crying a lot and I KNOW tomorrow is going to be hard... The last time I worked, Mum was still alive, but I'm with colleagues that I will look after me and I'm just trying this out... Wish me luck tomorrow... 
For right now though, I'm going to have to do something that distracts me, and tries to remove that nervous energy I have... The best way to do that is to slip into a little fantasy world, right?! 
The best of those seems to be fairy or, if I'm really needing time away from the real world, Mer.... Today We're under the sea, in the ruins of an abandoned, yet haunting city... 

I love being a mermaid or something monstrous under the sea... I dunno why, I guess it's just my favourite of the fae folk... This time I'm a little more of the sea monster variety, but one that is adorning herself in a million different treasures of the deep... 

What is she wearing;
Tiara: cinphul - Salacia Crown
Hair: [monso] - Tsuki Hair in Black & Red (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Head: BeSpoke - Ani Head
Dress & Sleeves: ERSCH - Sedna Dress  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Tattoo: Lilithe' - Ashiok Tattoos in Faint [FULL]  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Body Paint & Pearl Fins: Faunus - Merfolk in Teal
Gold Scales: Izzie's - Body Mermaid Scales in Gold
Body pearls: Insomnia Angel - Body Pearls
Bubbles: MoonAmore - Ocean Lover in  Bubbles
Pose & Necklace Prop: [piXit] - Athanasia, Pose F2
Pillars: Amadeus - Pulse of the Sea Pillars in Pillar B Obsidian (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Lighting: Botanical - Underwater Caustics Projector CLUSTER v1 (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Aquaria 

Darkness and Magic at the Midnight Order Show

Escaping from reality at the moment seems like a Really good idea, but I'm sure you've picked up on my desire to do that already. I did that yesterday when I had some Ice Cream, and today for some reason I'm feeling a little macabre in a good way... I mean if you've read what I have to say at all by now you'd know that the darker I get, the happier I tend to be, so this is a good sign right?! 
Today I decided to go back to one of my favourite Happy Places... The Carneval... For some reason, killer clowns (SL versions of me ONLY lol) and dark, macabre carni-types make me happy... Let's go play with them shall we?! 

Up on the stage, that has been known to be used for everything ranging from comedy nights to burlesque - a backdrop from Paparazzi by the way - one of the Carnival Freaks has a magician's show to perform... This one may go wrong at any point, hence the leftover body parts, but she's trying, what more can you expect?! 
Least if the magic trick goes wrong, her adorable little Jester Rat - from Tardfish, available until Augusut 31st at The Men's Department - can provide a brilliant distraction for the crowd, whilst the cleaning crew come in to help!!! 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Moon Amore - Circus Gacha Item in Insane HAT Coal
Hair: Wasabi - Postcard Hair in Offbeat
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Collar, Halo & Veil: CUREMORE - Freak Circus Items (No Longer Available!)
Shoulder Pet: Tardfish - Jester Rat (Available until August 31st at The Men's Department)
Necklace: Oblivis Solem - Secret Bastion Key in Gold Pack (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Dress: AsteroidBox - Lenore Dress (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Socks: AsteroidBox - Lenore Shoes & Garters (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Saw: LEMME - The Magician Saw in Blood
Pose: -Extra- - Wildflower, Pose 2 (Available until August 23rd at Smokefest)
Table: ANTINATURAL[+] - Carnival Freaks Gacha Item in Magician's Secret (No Longer Available!)
Body Parts: LOVE - Unfortunate Guests PACK 2 in Bits and Pieces
Sign: ANTINATURAL[+] - Carnival Freaks Gacha Item in Joyful Sign (No Longer Available!)
Backdrop: Paparazzi - BACKDROP - Burlesque 

Happy Making Ice Cream

Last night, we had a funny moment at home... The hubby came running down the stairs, shouting at me that he needed to go to the store before it closed... He was having a MASSIVE craving for Ice Cream, and as our new fridge freezer arrived yesterday he knew he could put some ice cream in it... 
I guess, for the first time in a while, that it inspired me to do something a little fun and a lot silly... Maybe I'm on the healing path, and finally able to let go a little?! I was inspired, I ate Ice Cream... The Fairies came back out to play... 

I am not a huge fan of Ice Cream, that's always been Hell's thing but granted I do like it occasionally and I couldn't really resist considering how warm it has been recently. 
While I was making a mess in the kitchen with all of the different options in the American Classic range - from Lucas Lameth - HellBone decided to show me how much he truly loves Ice Cream by presenting me with an Ice Cream Topiary - this one from the Patriotic Set, but there are other combinations available too at Simply Shelby - which ALSO lead to two things happening... 
One, the pug managed to get up on the counter and get his way into an Ice Cream tub - this pug is from Jian and I am both happy and sad to hear that Jian will be closing. It's great that new directions will be taken but Jian was ALWAYS one of my favourite places for the cute animals in SL! - and Two, the Ice Cream attracted a fairy who was desperate for something sweet and cold... I totally agree with her excitement... 

What is she wearing;
Hair Accessory: kotte - Face Pack in Sprinkles Icing Mess
Hair: Moon. Hair - Cupcake
Glasses: Suicidal Unborn!- Pastel Sunglasses
Wings: Doe - Dragon Pixie Wings 01 in Rainbow Neon
Boa: Moon Amore - Melted Boa in KITSCH BOA (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Body Paint: Izzie's - Rainbow Powder Explosion & Ladybird - Rainbow Body Glitter
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Outfit: CUREMORE - Melty Love OUTFIT
Pose: [piXit] - Manaram, Pose 2
Topiary: Simply Shelby - Patriotic Ice Cream Topiary Set in Ice Cream Bar Flower Topiary White
Ice Cream Decor: (Lucas Lameth) - Ice-Cream, American Classic
Dog: JIAN - Sneaky Snacker in Ice Cream Pug
Melted Ice Creams: random.Matter - Ice Cream Bar in Melted Cones
Melted Ice Lolly: random.Matter - Ice Cream Bar in Melted CreamPop Strawberry
Plant Pot: vespertine - Large Potted Chrysanthemums (Flowers Derendered)
Table Top: KraftWork - Carolean Round Table 

A Dark Day at the Beach

Everyone and their aunty seemed to be flocking to the beach yesterday as it was supposedly the best place to see the Eclipse that happened last night... I should have gone, I should have tried to participate but I just felt like crap and while I was in my PJs I missed the event as the sun was hidden behind a building on our street... It's fine, for me I feel like the sun has already gone, and the Summer can quite frankly sod off now... I'm done with the heat... I cannot wait for the Brrrrr months! 
Still I realised that I haven't been to the beach this Summer, I haven't felt the sand between my toes and the cold waves rushing to meet me... So maybe I need to rectify that situation a little bit?! 

Apparently it's going to be another scorchingly hot day today and I'm REALLY not a fan of that... Like I said, roll on the Brrr months! Dark little Living Dead me, really isn't a fan of being too hot... I'd much rather be too cold and wrap up under a ton of blankets! The beach and I are just not really friends because of that LOL... 
It really is too fecking hot today, the beach will be the coolest place, least one can hope anyway!!! 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Mug - Beach Day Gacha Item in #6 Beach Hat Black
Hair: TRUTH & Wasabi - Beach Day in Redhead
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Sunglasses: Boutique #187 - Metal Frame Sunglasses
Necklace & Bracelets: Static - Morte Ornare
Black Top: Mug - Birdie Top in Black
White Top: Mug - Delilah Tank in White
Shorts: Mug - Delilah Shorts in Black
Bucket: Doe - My Gothic Beach Bucket in Dinosaurs
Pose: [piXit] - Pupa, Pose 3
Chair: CHEZ MOI - Maluma Beach Chair
Parasol: [Merak] - Parasol Stripe
Backdrop: K&S - // Lighthouse Backdrop 

Said It All

Yesterday was the day that my Mum was cremated... Yesterday was the day that everything felt so final... It's been a long month to get here, but yesterday was the day that she was finally able to be at rest... Soon she'll be back with us where she belongs and I KNOW I cannot wait to have her home again...

So while I'll be mourning in Private for now, I wanted to take a moment to send everyone a hug. Tell you all that, if you're still lucky enough to have your mum around and you love her even just a little, remember to give her a hug and tell her that...
To my mum, and I KNOW you won't read this, but I wanna say it anyway... You knew that SL was a big part of me, you didn't ever really understand it but when it took my life in the direction it did I'm sure you thought I was crazy... You accepted it was a part of me, and welcomed the parts of my life that it brought you, like your crazy Dutch son-in-law... That's why I've had to take a few moments just to let Rudh leave you a thank you, shed a tear for you and become my therapy as I heal through these difficult times... 
I love you mum, you were always my favourite person - just don't tell Dad I said so - and I will see you again every time I look at the clouds or smell the flowers or find that perfect shell on the beach... One last thing to share with you today, since it was one of your favourites... Take That have "Said It All" for and with you... 

What is she wearing;
Flowers: *Lode* - Cydonia Hair Accessory [Full pack]
Hair: TRUTH - Odyssey in Redhead
Skin: Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Eyes: Izzie's - Lua Eyes in Teary Eyes Green
Eye Make-Up: WarPaint - Regal Eyeshadow & Pearls, Worn With Izzie's - Smeared Mascara & Little Tears
Necklace & Earrings: (Yummy) - Moonveil Collection (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Top: miss chelsea - Sora Set in Tank
Pose: piXit - Melanie, Pose 1
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Petalgrave Garden {360} Backdrop

Wanna Fight? Bring It On!

Grief is such a terrible and weird thing for anyone to go through... They say there are 5 main phases, but honestly it feels more like you're on a sliding scale and can go backwards or forwards at any time... I feel like I'm taking two steps forwards and then four back, only to move another five forwards and three back... If I could just work through the stages without any of this back and forth, that might be good for me right now... 
At the moment I'd say I'm definitely feeling angry about things... It's time to vent again... Please bear with me... 

When you lose anyone it doesn't matter who or how, even discovering someone you barely knew has passed can be a strange feeling of grief but, and maybe this will sound weird, I am angry about a few things and I guess the guilt of being mad at them isn't helping me heal... 
We've known that mum was sick since November, that's true... My parents decided that it was better for us to NOT know how bad things were so that we'd continue with our crazy busy lives as normal. I don't hate them for their choice, but mentally I had less than a month to prepare and yes I KNOW there'd never be enough time to get used to the idea that someone you're very close to is terminally ill, but it might have helped a little now if I'd known earlier?! Maybe?! 
Also, and this may sound even weirder... My grandmother - Mum's Mum - has been sick with demensia, unable to get out of bed, and wishing that she would be able to just sleep and not wake up for almost 2 years now... She's 94... WHY DID MUM HAVE TO GO FIRST?! I love my Grandma, I've been mentally preparing to have to say goodbye for a long time, and she out-lived my mum... Why couldn't mum have done what her mum did and live to be as old as the dinosaurs?! 
Perhaps it's weird to think like that, and I promise it's not the most forefront thoughts in my mind, but it's there... It's hurting and I NEEDED to release... Some day I will get back to blogging properly when I feel up to it, following the schedule I set and managing targets but right now... Anyone wanna fight me?

What is she wearing;
Hair: Wasabi - Sunkissed TSS Ed. Hair in Absolute Pack
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Choker: Kibitz - Felicia's Thick Choker in Blank
Jacket: Gabriel - One-shoulder Riders Jacket in Black
Glove: PSYCHO:Byts - Avril Arm Warmers
Dress: Psycho Barbie - Fire Starter
Pose & Prop: [piXit] - Punk Much, Pose 5
Garbage: UrBaN SpIrIt - Garbage Day Items
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - WD-5 

Bonnie Chaos at Midnight

I'm at that stage now, where I don't know what to do but I don't really want to do anything... Yes it is apparently just me going through the grieving process but right now I feel somewhat useless and nothing I seem to try is working... I can't get into reading, knitting, decorating in RL or SL, and blogging therapy seems to be a non-starter too... There are so many fun things I could be doing... What am I doing? Doom-scrolling and staring into space... Everything I try seems to be going wrong!!

I NEED to find a way to turn my brain off, to stop myself from wallowing and yes, allow myself to grieve but allow myself to find strength and start finding my "normal" again... I'm dreading it!
Everything seems to be going wrong or turning to chaos and I'm NOT going to let myself drown in that... Think of the chaos that some people go through, real or imagined and things don't look so bad, I guess... 
I NEED a RL distraction for a bit... Something Dark, Mysterious and set in a Midnight Order perhaps... Something with gangsters and molls, something twisted and chaotic... 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Magika - Abigail Hair Hat
Hair: About Love - Sultry Hairstyle
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Jacket: [VOZ] - Umbrae Set in Coat (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Corset Top: SOJOUR - Luize Corset (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Lace Skirt: Stories&Co - Sherry Skirt in Cream&Black Lace
Pose & Prop: [PiXit] - Juliette, Pose F5
Car Decor: Dirty Rat - The Botched Job
Falling Money: [Bad Unicorn] - The Heat Gacha in Falling Cash
Gun Case: /MURDER\ - Commie Tommy
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - Decatur Street 

The Queen Shall Rise

At the moment I KNOW that everything seems to sound like I am not coping, I am hanging on the edge of a break down and I am done with life in general... I am sorry if it seems that way and that I'm worrying anyone. Things are just really difficult at the moment, but I HOPE that soon I am back on track and able to start enjoying life again... It's just everything still seems so bleak and I HATE not being able to pick up the phone and speak to mum... 
The Queen of the family has fallen... I'm just not sure how long it will take for her eldest to be able to step up and assume her role... 

You never think that it's going to happen... I mean I'm not stupid I KNEW it would happen one day, but her mother is 94, alive and kicking... I thought I had at least another 20 years of nonsense with her yet... Still, sometimes the Princess has to step up, stand in the shoes of the Queens before her and guide her life in it's own direction... I'm just hoping she's going to be like the Jedi in Star Wars... Always there, always feeling her "Force"... 
So the battle may be over but the uphill climb has now begun... The mourning period is diminishing, and wearing black is less of a done thing. The crown must be adjusted and worn with pride... I don't know if I'm ready, but the Midnight Order of things demands a Queen shall rise... 

What is she wearing;
Hair: About Love - Enigmatic Hairstyle (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Crown: UNA - Ruise Crown in Gold (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Circlet: random.Matter- Guila Set in Warm Tones
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Make-Up: Izzie's - Smeared Mascara & ARISE - Running Mascara (No Longer Available!)
Necklace: random.Matter - Gwyneira Collar in Warm Tones
Sleeves: Voluptas Virtualis - Exuvie.Arms (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Weapon: Opifex - Thorn (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Dress: [NOBEL CREATIONS] - Jasmine in SUNSET GOLD (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Pose: [piXit] - Beatrice, Pose F5R
Armour: DRD - Mystic Bastion Item in Knight Decor
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Lavender & Lace - LIGHT {360} Backdrop 

Single Wishes Could Be Enough!

How do I even contemplate writing something like this? I’ve been going around and around in my brain, trying to work out how to share this little bit of RL with you all recently and did I even want to talk about something so personal, in such a public way, in a random SL based blog post. This is my rambling space and a place I’ve always called my personal therapy but this post is one of the hardest I’ve ever had to share, I feel it’s something that I need to talk about, I just don’t know where to begin or how… 
You may have seen here in recent months that I had been talking more about my RL mum, and using this as a place to vent my emotions… Well, I guess that’s where we will start this story…

In November last year, mum was admitted to hospital in pain and very, very yellow - I’m talking, she could have been an extra in the Simpsons kinda yellow - and it was discovered there were issues with her pancreas… 
After Christmas, my sister and I were told it was Pancreatic Cancer.
I can already see the face that you just pulled as you read this, it’s the face that everyone pulled when we shared the news and, although I knew it was bad, I tried to brush it off and remain positive… 
In June however, when I went home to see family, we were told she did not have long left… Let me tell you, leaving to come back to the Netherlands was almost unbearable - it has always been hard but nothing like this - it was mum’s wish though. She wanted me to get home and finish the renovation project on our house. She said she wanted to be able to come see it, and she wanted to know I was happy in my own home again. So after returning home on July 1st, the hubby and I were working our asses off to get it done…
A week later, we heard from my dad that mum had been taken into palliative care in the local hospice, where they would give her the best care since it was becoming too much for him at home. She was ok… She said she had some “very nice young male nurses” - that her friends told me she enjoyed some silly giggles with - to make sure she was eating and allowed her to listen to her favorite Take That songs. 
On July 18th, mum passed away…
I was in Holland, but my sister had just got back to my parent’s house from her home in Wales… Someone was there with dad, that’s was a good thing, but I was not there at the time and I still feel such overwhelming guilt about that… All I wanted was a hug from my dad and sister! 
I did not get to see mum, and it may sound strange but for me that was OK. Goodbye felt like such a difficult word to say. I’d seen her recently and she’d been able to smile and hug me and tell me that she loved me, that’s what I wanted to remember. She wanted me to remember her as the vibrant sunshine that she was… The woman who was a carboot sale queen, a belly dancer, a jeweller, a mum and the best friend I could have ever asked for…
So, that brings me to the picture I’ve taken today… I had been doing a little shopping to try and cheer myself up. I discovered the “single wish sticks” - from Violetility, available until August 18th at The Warehouse - and plans changed. I knew what I wanted to wish for… I wasn’t crazy enough to wish that she’d come back… I know the lore on how that works, and I also know that she’s not in any pain now which is more than I could ever want for her, but I have a wish to hear her voice just one last time… I wish I could see her laugh at me again… I wish I could give her another tight hug and let her know that I love her…
I dunno if these gimmicky gadgets will work, but anything is worth a try… Wish me luck and thank you for reading my ramblings!!!

What is in the photo;
Wish Sticks: Violetility - Single Wish Stick (Available until August 18th at The Warehouse)
Frames: random.Matter - Triptych in Oak (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Mug & Incense: Candle & Cauldron - Mug Incense Burner (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Rabbit: Moonforge - Jackalope
Hand Book: Tentacio - Sebaciel Collection in Spell Book 
Leaf Book: mintae - Garden Notes in Botanic Journal
Book Stand: BALACLAVA!! - Witches' Book
Gold Cauldron: Elm - Margot Cauldron #1
Black Cauldron: random.Matter - Cracked Cauldron in Black 
Candles: BALACLAVA!! - Candelabra
Doily: Deco Soup - Vintage Doily
Table: Apple Fall - Hudson Desk in Weathered Oak
Backdrop: VARONIS - Sanctum Backdrop in Dark/Neutral 

Dandelion Wishes

I've been trying anything and everything recently to make myself feel better... As I've alluded to in the recent weeks and especially lately there has been a lot going on in my RL and even though I'm still not ready to talk about, blogging and all the ins and outs of it has always been my favourite kind of release... So far, it's not helped... 
Today I wanted to do something TOTALLY fantasy, totally in the fairy realm where my mind is resting and the fairies have control... Today I went outside, and laid in the long grass, playing with Dandelion clocks and talking to my mum like I always used to do... There were friends in the long grass to help me make dandelion wishes... 

When you're playing the the Dandelions, remember there are some that see it as a weed, but the fae folk see them as hundreds of tiny little wishes that can be whisked away on the breeze to spread happiness to anyone that sees them... 
This adorable little Dandelion Fae was lingering in the grass this morning, she invited me to stop for tea and her favourite food, which although looked like a dandelion was actually an extremely delicious Blooming Onion - created by Lucas Lameth, available now at Anthem... 
I know there are no wishes that I could make to change things right now, but I am hoping to feel better, and there's always hope right?!

What is she wearing;
Hair: [monso] - Ryan Hair in Black & Red (Colour tinted by me!)
Head: BeSpoke - Nacho Head (Skin layer has been re-tinted to match body layers!)
Eyes: IKON - Sovereign Eyes in Field
Dandelion Skin & Accessories (Hat, Shoulders, Cuffs & Staff): [Faunus] - Dandelion
Wings: STATIC - Firaga Wings
Under Skin Layers: [Faunus] - Helios & LUMAE - Female Fantasy Skins in MORTIS (No Longer Available!)
Dress: [Faunus] - Eladrin Dress
Pose & Flower Prop: Mixtape Poses - Dandelion (Bento) V1.0
Food: (Lucas Lameth) - Blooming Onion, Deep-Fried (Available until August 27th at Anthem)
Tea Set: Elm - Clove Crockery Items
Large Dandelions: dust bunny - Paper Blooms in Dandelion
Stump: HPMD - Autumn Stump
Dandelion Grass & Floating Seeds: LOVE - DANDELION DREAMS
Backdrop: Synnergy - Open Fields [Day] Backdrop

Hot in a Heatwave

I wanted to get back to blogging with a bang... I wanted to throw myself into blogging and use it as I always have - it's always been a form of therapy for me and now that things happened two weeks ago I'm finding that I really need an outlet where I don't have to face people just yet... There's only one problem... WHY IS IT SO GODDAMN HOT?! 

YES YES I know that it's Summer and we're supposed to be this hot... Yes yes I KNOW that in Holland it's not as hot as other places in Europe like Spain where the temperatures are in the mid-40s every day at the moment... It's STILL way too hot for this part of the world where the houses are built to keep the warm in and the cold out. 
I'm trying to find somewhere I can be alone and cool so I can cry and dwell in the past in peace... Both of these things are hard to do, everywhere right now is SO FUCKING HOT!

What is she wearing;
Hair: [monso] - Noelia Hair in Black & Red
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Top: miss chelsea - Leni Set in Top
Shorts: miss chelsea - Leni Set in Shorts
Fan: Boutique #187 - Black Quotes Fan
Pose: -Extra- - Wildflower, Pose 1 (Available  August 1 - 23rd at Smokefest 2026)
Tissues: Puddles - Tissues for your issues
Backdrop: K&S - // Forest Nest. Backdrop

Amsterdam's Pride

Hello out there, remember me? I'm that girl that used to ramble on about nonsense in every blogpost I wrote, usually accompanying that with a silly picture that I loved but most people probably thought was a bit bonkers... I've had a bit of an unexpected absense recently... I've alluded to things in the past but mid house move, we had an emergency in RL and I had to make another mad dash back to the UK... I'm not really ready to talk about it yet, but I will in time, even writing this is making me emotional... 
Still, I NEED to start finding some semblance of normality... I'm back in Holland now, and since it's a special day in Amsterdam, I'm going to use it as a gentle way to get back to blogging... 

Today is Amsterdam Pride... Not being proud of Amsterdam - although that is an every day thing for the Amsterdammers that I know and love - although perhaps it's a good day to be proud of the city and it's people. A day when the Netherlands shines as a Gay capital of the world, and Amsterdam being the first city to legalize same sex marriages throws open it's canals for one of the most colourful parades in the world... I LOVE Amsterdam Pride every year, this year we're hosting World Pride too which makes it seem extra special. I just wish I was feeling strong enough to go and join the fun!!! Everyone should be celebrating love today... Love is one of the most important things a person can have, it's one of those very important things that keeps me going... I'm going to enjoy a little love today, celebrate Pride a little more and enjoy some special churros and maybe a little puff-puff-pass action?! 
HAPPY AMSTERDAM WORLD PRIDE DAY!!!!

What is she wearing;
Flags: Junk Food - Pride White Headband
Hair Accessory: miss chelsea - Love Pride Headband
Hair: Wasabi - Joyride Hair in Offbeat
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Make-Up: Keymoko - Pride Set (Past Gift!) (No Longer Available!), Palette - Pride Hearts (No Longer Available!) & Izzie's - Rainbow Glitter Freckles
Outfit: [RED GIRL] - Reese Shorts Overall Pride (Past Event Gift!)
Badges: Grandma's House - Pride Pins (Past Event Gift!)
Food: andika - "Pride Heart Churros" (Past Event Gift!)
Pose: [PiXit] - Beatrice, Pose F5
Leaf Friends: Junk Food - Weed Plushies
Clouds: kotte - Cloudy
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Tunnel of Love

BBQ by the Pool

It's the Summer now, I'm desperate to let myself enjoy it. HellBone and I are close the point of being able to move back home and we're planning for it to happen on Thursday IF we can... There will still be things we need to collect, cleaning that we need to do, but once we're over in our actual home, then I can think about making the daunting trip home to see my mum for the last time... I HOPE I make it in time, I hope I can get through a goodbye and carry on living without her... I cannot talk about it right now though, as I'm about to start crying... Let's think about something different, food is always a good distraction? Right?  

Since it's Summer there is only one type of food I have a desire to eat... It comes in different variations but BBQ Food is just what Summer requires... 
Today I decided to set up the BBQ at the Poolside - which is an old but still amazing backdrop from FOXCITY - and got HellBone to get his Grilling hat on... He's the king of the BBQ in our house... I set up the amazing Moo Sprinkler - from Krescendo - so that I could enjoy it as I floated around in the pool while waiting for the Cookout Feast - from Junk Food - and a portion of HellBone's Famous BBQ Platter - a release that was discounted this weekend from the amazing Lucas Lameth... Now I'm drooling, luckily I can hide that in the pool LOL... 

What is in the picture:
Front Plate: Junk Food - Cookout Feast Plate 1
Sprinkler: [Krescendo] - Moo Sprinkler
Table Plate: (Lucas Lameth) - Famous BBQ Platter
BBQ: Junk Food - Grilling Set v1
Chair & Table: CHEZ MOI - Maluma Beach Set Items
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Poolside

Shark Bites are Ouchies!

I NEED to do something silly and whimsical today or I am going to actually drive myself nuts... I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do, and in RL we have been so busy moving things around so that HellBone and I can move back home sometime next week that we're both getting frustrated and tired. It feels like we've not done much today but we did a LOT and tomorrow there will be a LOT more to come too... 
So right now I NEED something fun and silly before my head implodes! Dramatic I KNOW, but it is what it is now... So that's why this happened... 

I decided to take the dogs for a walk down at the beach by the Baywater Lighthouse - a backdrop from Synnergy.Tavis - and we had one of those magical moments where as soon as they hit the water, they transformed into adorable little Shark Pups - from Aardvark - SUPER Cute and super fun... I pulled on a hat so that I could join in the fun, and was told that this Chomper Shark Hat - from Junk Food in the weekend sales this week - would keep me safe... Apparently it was the wrong information... One of the shark pups was a little hungry, and decided to take a Shark Bite - which is the shark on my leg and part of the Beach Day Gacha Collection from Mug at Equal10 now - outta my leg... OUCH!

What is she wearing;
Hat: Junk Food - Chomper Shark Hat
Hair: ARGRACE - CHIZURU in Reds
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Goggles: STOIC - SUMMER GOGGLES
Body drips: Izzie's - Wet Body & Face
Shark Leg & Outfit: Mug - Beach Day Gacha Items in Fun Bikini RARE & Shark Bite Blue (Available until August 5th at Equal10)
Pose & Floatie Prop: [piXit] - Summer Vibes, Pose 1F2R
Shark Puppies: Aardvark - Shark Pups
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Baywater Lighthouse {360}Backdrop in BLUE

Clouds in Heaven

My mind is in weird and icky places at the moment, I'm dealing with a lot... I have my house work getting closer to being done and I NEED to get moved out of this place I'm temporarily living in. I also have things going on with my mum... I've mentioned it before but she's got cancer and it's getting worse, very very quickly... I'm preparing myself for the worst at this moment. Please don't hate me... Please forgive me for being sad and lost in my unhappy mind... I need to distract myself... 

My mind went into fantasy mode, but then even that went back to the way it has been... Thinking about the things that may happen soon with my mum... 
So when I ended up as and angel in the clouds, gathering together the spirited pets of our family past.. Gus mum's favourite cat, and Izzy our dog, came to be ready for when Mum decides that it's time to join them... I am so scared about that moment, but I am trying to remain positive... I want to do something pretty... 

What is she wearing;
Cloud Halos: (Upper): Tentacio - Heaven Set in Heaven Halo 2 & LuluB! - CloudHead in Blue Sky
Hair: [monso] - Anya Hair in Black & Red
Eye Clouds: Tentacio - Cloud Candy in Cry Me
Make-Up: FATHER - Cloud Blush & The Horror! - Angel Blush in Blue
Necklaces: random.Matter - Ferryn Set in Necklace & Choker
Fur: CURELESS[+] - Alpine Fur in PURE
Wings: Doe - Ethereal Wings 01 in BGY
Body Paints & Glitter: Izzie's - Body & Face Glitter & FOREST FANTASY STORE (Now Faunus) - Galaxy Demon & Half Demon in Blue
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Outfit: Yuni - Sang Outfit in [WHITE]
Magical Sparkles: Cole's Corner - Starstuff, Glitterati & The Fantastical Nebulous Aether, everfaery - Starfield Aura & Aii - Astral Smoke
Pose: [piXit] - Beatrice, Pose F5
Animal & Extra Clouds: kotte - Cloudy
Background: K&S - // Knockin on Heavens Door. Backdrop 

A Laundry Day Discovery!

I'm having one of those days, the kind of days when your brain is so messed up, and you've forgotten that you've already blogged something but then you remember it's OK, it's laundry day anyway... I have so much laundry since I have yet to unpack from my trip home... Some things still smell like the laundry detergent that my parents use... I guess though it's time that I suck it up and do some laundry...

I did a lot of laundry at home when I was helping my dad with things for him and mum, but there's always some stuff that I have to wash... 
When I was playing with my clothes in Second Life, I discovered that there was a lot laundry to get done there too... I tend to wear outfits so often and then I never see them again after a week's wearing of them LOL... Perhaps I should wash them before I put them away... So I grabbed all of my dirty wash and headed on down to the Bubble Bliss Laundromat - a backdrop from K&S - and started sorting my clothes into the machines... 
It was then that I made the crazy discovery... A friend of my Dad's, the pigeon named Walter - a release from YOKAI for the Animal Party that can be found until July 10th at Kustom9 - happened to sneak into my luggage and he was only just found... Luckily it was me and not my cat that found him... 

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH & Wasabi - Doremi in Redhead
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Glasses: Boutique #187 - Metal Frame Sunglasses
Bird Friend: YOKAI - Animal Party pt.II in Pigeon RARE (Available until July 10th at Kustom9)
Necklace: AsteroidBox - Sylvia Chains
Top: miss chelsea - Nara Set in Top
Overshirt: Mug - Jett Top in Black Flannel
Jeans: miss chelsea - Nara Set in Jeans
Pose: {NANTRA} - Norma Jean, Pose 4
Puppies: JIAN - Scruffy Shepherds in 12. Laundry Pups
Bottle: Deco Franzy - Laundry Detergent in 'Refresh Mountain'
White Basket: dust bunny - Laundry Corner in Laundry Basket
Backdrop: K&S - // Bubble Bliss Laundromat. Backdrop

Jelly and Underwater Bathtime!

Guess who made itn back home to the Netherlands?? That's right, me... Guess who doesn't really want to be here in the Netherlands?? If you guessed me, then well done you're also right! Honestly it's always hard to leave my parents and the family home that I grew up in but this time was the worst yet... I've been hinting about my mum being sick, and well, it is actually much worse than I thought. I'm not sure how long we will have left with her and honestly the news has broken me into a million little pieces and I'm warning you now I may not be my usual random, bubbly self for a while... Please forgive me... Please bear with me... Please don't give up on me if I'm sporadic or depressing...
Anyway, for now, it's Sunday Night, and as always that means it's bathnight... 

I decided that I needed to do something to cheer myself up and it was to take my bath somewhere fun... I discovered the Underwater Bathroom - a backdrop from Synnergy.Tavis - and while the water and bubbles were lovely. It was soothing and comforting and when I dared look up through the window, I came face to face with some adorable little Jellyfish Companions - which are a MishMish release for June's Kustom9 Event, that still runs until July 10th - who were dancing around in the bubbles... 
It didn't really help my mood, and although I wanted to enjoy their cute little hijinks, even though it did marginally help, the tears are yet to stop flowing... As I said, please bear with me... I will be OK soon... I think...

What is she wearing;
Hair: ARGRACE - SHIMIZU in Reds
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Tears: Izzie's - Little Tears, Izzie's - Smeared Mascara in Smokey Tears & KitCat - Constella Tears
Bubbles on Body: MIWAS - Bubble on me in White
Soap: KitCat - Soapy in Bar Soap Decor
Pose: FOXCITY - Milk Bath, Pose 5
Jellyfish: MishMish - Jellyfish Companion (Available until July 10th at Kustom9)
Floating Bubbles: Half-Deer - Bubbles
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Underwater Bathroom {360} Backdrop

Celebrating a little more Pride@Home!

Pride month has been active for a few long weeks and I know that I've missed mostly all of it. I have some very good reasons and as much as I know that Pride is important, right now I don't have much of the normal brain capacity I work with... I Stand by those celebrating Pride, and all the things that it represents, but my ability to see colours in things has somewhat diminished this week! I had devastating news and I'm just trying to keep my head on straight for the entire family... 

Still, since it's drawing closer to the end of the month, and since there are so many reasons for so many to be living their best life right now, I NEED to think a few happy thoughts. I NEED a little colour while there is none here... I went to see the Take That Circus show, but I'm a very sad little clown right now... Perhaps I'm doing things wrong?! 
I popped into Pride@Home for a breather from my families RL chaos and decided it was time for an ice cream... I may have been decked out in rainbows, but that feels like such a mask and putting on a show right now... Maybe I am more like one of the circus clowns I saw than I realised?! 
Hope everyone that was celebrating had a wonderful Pride Month... I will be heading home soon and NEED some time to get my head on straighter! Bear with me, things could get a little more rocky over the next few months!

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH & Wasabi - Doremi in Candy 
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory 
Glasses: Space Cadet - Ani Glasses in Pride Edition (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home) 
Nose Piercing: Frisbey. - Unity Nose Piercing (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home)
Shirt: miss chelsea - Alex Shirt in Pride Pack (Available until June 30th for Pride@Home)
Necklace: AsteroidBox - Pride Star Necklace (Available until June 30th for Pride@Home)
Top: FICTIVE - PRIDE AT HOME 2026 GIFT (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home)
Book: [QE Home] - How To Pride (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home)
Bracelet: Pride at Home - Wristband 2026 (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home)
Ice Cream: andika - Sweet Pride ice cream (Gift Available until June 30th at Pride @ Home)
Shorts: miss chelsea - Alex Shorts in Pride Pack (Available until June 30th for Pride@Home) 
Pose: [piXit] - Beatrice, Pose F4