Are the Finger Sandwiches Right?!

The Engine Room opened yesterday and that has meant that once again, Second Life is full of the weird and wonderful folk... Great, it's just before Halloween and we all need a little more madness and chaos, of the good kind, in our lives right?! 
I'm honestly at the point of being welcome to all that comes to get me, and bring them on I say... I've also been reading some rather interesting monster smut recently, so little old me is going to get into her best and see what a tea invitation will offer to those monsters out there... 

I was feeling a little Pride and Prejudice - in this gorgeous dress and hat set from toksik at this round of Engine Room, available until October 20th - but since I have monster smut on my mind, I was hoping that getting all dolled up, and welcoming some of the Engine Room's monsters for a spot of tea there might be a little fun chaos to be had... I've even made sure that the Sossego Veranda - a backdrop from FOXCITY, that has been released for this month's Collabor88 - is in shade, as the evening takes the daylight AND that there is a pot of Curious "tea" as well as the regular kind... I just wonder if I put out the right kind of finger sandwiches?! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH - Darling (Past VIP Gift)
Glasses:  TRIGGERED - Charlie Glasses (Past Gift)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Dress & Hat: toksik - Moonlight Dress (Available until October 20th at Engine Room)
Pose & Pearls: piXit - Perla, Pose 3
Tea Set: THOR - Meadow Tray Tea Set
Black Teapot: AsteroidBox - Curious Decor in Arachnid Tea Pot
Food: Movement - Afternoon Bites
Backdrop (Table & Chairs included): FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Sossego (Available until September 30th at Collabor88) 

Detectives NEED Snacks!

There are often times that secrets will come out... Things slowly start to unravel and what was once a happy story can change so quickly overnight... The question is... WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE INFORMATION YOU'VE RECIEVED?! How do you let it affect you? How will you move forward from any revelation?! Sometimes, the information you discover can be life shattering. It can change your perspectives on the life you've lived and the people you've been surrounded by... It becomes like a game of detective, and it's hard to know what's entirely the truth as you're missing a whole side of the story... Recently, my mind has been plagued with this kinda connundrum and I'm going to share with you,  my thoughts... Come into my little detective office... I have snacks! 

So backstory without too many details... I recently learned something new about people I love, and it hit me like a freight train, it wasn't even like being hit by a truck with the level of "what the fuck did I just learn?" it was MUCH, MUCH bigger than that... It's taken me a few days to process and I NOW need to vent a little just to clear my head before I can move on... Hence why I brought snacks... 
Now I've gotten my head around the information, and asked the people involved some VERY difficult questions. I want to move on with my life, but how will I do that? 
I'm not the kind of person that could harbour resentment to these people. I am the kind of person that feels massive amounts of anxiety though, and I NEED to figure out my game plan... Even though the news was earth-shattering, I have to take various parts of it with a pinch of salt. The person it involves cannot speak for themselves, and only having one side of the story is NEVER going to be total clarity. 
Yet I won't let this tarnish my relationship with this person, I won't let this tarnish the relationship I have with the others involved, and my history with these people will always been seen through the eyes I saw it with - not with the new information I have now - because I loved what I had and don't want to change how it was... 
Going forward though I'm treading carefully... I love the people involved. Secrets need to remain out in the open now though, NO MORE SECRETS because I cannot handle there being MORE surprises like this... The people involved know that, the people involved have been warned. I am not ready to move on too much with this new information, but that won't be this way forever and NOW I am just picking up the pieces... Wish me luck... 
Jamwich anyone?! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: Wasabi - Meadow TSS Ed. Hair in Absolute Pack
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Top: Mug - Yvette Top in Medium
Coffee: Boutique #187 - Black Mood Cup (Available until September 27th at Black Fair)
Pants: AsteroidBox - Robin Pants (Available until October 10th at Kustom9)
Pose: piXit - Fauriche, Pose 4
Snacks: Junk Food - Jamwiches Wearables
Backdrop: K&S - // Detective's office. Backdrop 

Mushroom Carvings!

I've had a terrible night's sleep, I've learned more about things in my RL than I EVER really needed to know in the last 12 hours, and I am not in a good mental place, SO what do I do when my brain goes to jelly? You should know the drill by now, when I feel myself breaking, I slip into a fantasy world where nothing matters and everything is prettiful! It's truly my best way to turn off... 

Since it's supposedly Autumn and that means the colours should slowly be going from green to red, I feel it's allowed to start being a little more Autumn, and you know me I LOVE a good fairy moment when the seasons change. 
Today I was out on a mushroom picking trip, I REALLY dislike eating mushrooms... I dunno there is just something about the texture! Yes I also know that you're not supposed to eat the red ones LOL... Though there are a few people I wouldn't mind feeding them to at the moment... 
The fae were a little shocked when we were sneaking peeks at other people's harvests though... Someone was REALLY prepping the mushroom harvest for Halloween... 

What is she wearing;
Hat: random.Matter - Aspira Hat
Hair: everfaery - Brynne Hair
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Wings: Doe - Nymph Wings 01
Body Mushrooms & Paint: Quills & Curiosities - Festering Fungus
Dress: Faunus - Puki Dress
Sparkles: Cole's Corner - Glitterati & Starstuff
Pose: piXit - Yfool1, Pose 1R
Friends: Pitaya - Mushroom Buddies
Scary Mushrooms: Aardvark - Spooky Shrooms in Carved
Mushrooms: Elm - Mushroom Harvest, Ariskea - [Orchand] Mushroom Basket, dust bunny - Farmers Market in Mushrooms & [Merak] - Mushroom Decor
Tables: CHEZ MOI - FarmWheel Picnic Table
Backdrop: SYNNERGY.TAVIS - Harvest Lane {360} Background 

Sunscreen Piggies Against Sunburn!

It's been a difficult year this year, I'm sure you've noticed that by now but then again I feel like it's gone so quick that we've blinked and missed a large chunk of the year... I'm glad for me the Summer months were a bit of a blur, I hate Summer lol but I do feel like I missed out on the Summer fun this year too... So I decided it was time to take myself off on an end of season break, avoid the crowds and HOPE that it wasn't TOO hot... 

Now there are some Brits out there that are sun lovers, sun worshippers if you will... Then there's the kind you see in comedy sketches, that only have to talk about the sun before they get sunburned... That's ME, I'm one of that type... I'm a natural redhead in RL, although now I'm older it's much more chestnut and going grey in places... Yet, like I said, I only have to think about the sunshine and I start to get a burn... When I'm back somewhere dark and cold, I don't stay tanned, I go white again!! 
SO, I am an advocate of ALWAYS WEARING SUNSCREEN... Rudh went off on a little holiday and didn't put any on, and look what happened... That's why when she went to the luxury resort in Zamalek - which happens to be a backdrop from The Bearded Guy - I made sure that she took some of the super cute Sunscreen Piggies - from the MishMish Heatwave Piggies collection - with her! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH & FAGA - Shadow in Redhead
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Glasses: Boutique #187 - LunaRose Glasses
Nose Paint: Spookshow - Goth Block
Necklace: (Yummy) - Sunchild Necklace Set
Sunburn Layers: [Onyx] - Life's a Beach Sunburn
Top: miss chelsea - Pati Set in Cami
Pig: MishMish - Heatwave Piggies in Sunscreen Piggy
Shorts: miss chelsea - Pati Set in Shorts
Pose: R.Bento - My Glasses, Pose 2
Loungers & Parasols: Fapple - Mistress gets a tan Items
Backdrop: The Bearded Guy - Zamalek Day Backdrop 

Warning off the Wonderland Weirdoes!

Left alone for 5 minutes today, and in that time I managed to talk myself OUT of doing something too crazy when it comes to blogging, and INTO something crazy blogging wise that made me super happy... I love it when you can start with the smallest of items and think... WHAT THE HECK AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS? If you do it long enough, the outcome will surprise you, and it's THIS REASON that I've always said blogging is like a therapy for me, because I get distracted, I relax and magical things happen!!! Today, the magic happened in Wonderland... 

I dunno if you've realised this yet, maybe you have and it's OK if you haven't but sometimes my blogging gets a little strange LOL... When I get fantasy I always find myself slipping into a story, and there aren't many classics that seem as weird in their landscapes as Wonderland has always felt... It's easy for my tired mind to go there... 
Today a cuttle little Bunny - which is actually the head released by BeSpoke that comes with SO MANY options it's definitely worth checking out  - Girl found herself in Wonderland, looking for her friends that were hosting their tea party... Luckily she was warned in advanced to come prepared because the critters in this world can be a little pushy... She packed a can of Repellent Spray - from Boutique #187 that was released for Ouh Lala a while ago and should now be at the mainstore - to ward off the likes of the slightly mad Cheshire Cat... 

What is she wearing;
Head & Ears: BeSpoke - Bunny
Hair: Wasabi - Wildflower Hair in Offbeat
Eyes: Mana - Daemon Eyes
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Necklace: random.Matter - Hanako Choker
Fur: CURELESS[+] - Cheshire's Shawl
Dress: Pixicat - Dreamy Dress
Can: Boutique #187 - Repellant Spray
Pose: piXit - Gothabilly, Pose 1F4
Cat: HEXtraordinary - Cheshire Cat Companion
Bunny Plants: BROKEN ARROWS - Wonderland Rabbit in Grass Rabbit Green
Arches: Simply Shelby - Rustic Autumn Archway Collection
Soldiers: Boudoir - Card Soldiers (No Longer Available!)
Door: ionic - Door to Wonderland
Backdrop: The Bearded Guy - Chess Paradise Backdrop PBR 

Witchwood Garden Magic

As I mentioned yesterday, the preparations are slowly getting underway for the spooky season... There is so much to do, but now that the ghosts have been persuaded to come visit, it's time to work on decorations of another kind... I have to go web collecting, mushroom picking, pumpkin trumping, OH and even need to find all those fabbity fab costumes for the season... First though I'm going to pop into my witchy, magical green house and work on a few spells to make some pretty plants grow... 

My greenhouse just happens to be located in the Witchwood Gardens - which are in fact a gacha collection from Krescendo for the current round of The Arcade until September 30th - and because these gardens are thrumming with magic, it makes the plants grew beautifully in barely any time at all... I mean... Just look at these adorable little Halloween Succulants - another gacha collection from Tardfish, that is also available at the Arcade - I only planted them this morning and they are HUGE already!!! 
I decided not only to give out candy this year... Some people don't like candy and would maybe prefer a plant gift... There might be other surprises to come too LOL... Don't worry the candy won't go to waste though, I'm adding a piece of taffy to each little pot, just to make them extra sweet little plants! 

What is in the Picture;
Mini Potted Plants & Display: Tardfish - Halloween Succulant Gacha Collection (Available until September 30th at The Arcade) 
Gardening Decor (Not Separately Listed): [Krescendo] - Witchwood Garden Gacha Items (Available until September 30th at The Arcade) 
Owl: YOKAI - Owl Magic School Gacha Item in Magic Owl Cage RARE 
Candles & Skull: BROKEN ARROWS - Cursed Skull Candles in Aged (Dark) 
Candies: Dahlia - Boardwalk & Co. Gacha Item in Taffy Lemon 18 
Trees: everfaery - Neon Veil Trees 
Hat & Cloak: [Merak] - Hanging Cloak 
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Fairy Tale 

Bunnies Hunting Ghosts

As is customary this time of year I KNOW that Halloween and the spooky season is coming, and I want to start prepping. I want to get ahead with plans for the spooky season and I have a LOT to do. I've started to check out the creepy places, I've planned trips to collect pumpkins and other important things like candy, but today I met up with a bunny friend of mine for what could be the scariest mission... Today we needed to catch some spookies... 

You should know by now that I always go prepared for this... I have all of the ghost hunting tools, including some very new Ghost Radars - from MadPea - that help in my search. My bunny friend came prepared with his polaroid - he's a Polaroid Bunny from MishMish by the way - so that we could also photograph any evidence before we tried to lure the spookies out to play... 
His pictures are showing signs of something in the dark, and I have a feeling that there may be something watching me... Least we are in the right place in this Dead File Storage... 

What is she wearing;
Bunny: MishMish - Polaroid Bunny Animesh in Dutch
Earmuffs:  Olive - the Cutie Earmuffs Round+Bunny RARE
Camera: HopScotch - Ghost Hunter Equipment in Head-mounted Camera
Hair: Wasabi - Snow Bunny Hair
Glasses: Tentacio - Bunny Glasses in Black
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Top & Dress Outfit: AsteroidBox - Terry Dress (Available until September 30th at Anthem)
Device: MadPea - Ghost Catchers in Ghost Radar
Pose: piXit - Twizsted, Pose F3
Ghost: MadPea - Shadow Ghosts in Crooked Shadow
Backdrop: PALETO. Backdrop - DEAD FILE 

Not Much Use Here?!

The burrrr months are finally here, and it's usually my favourite time of the year. It's going to be a lot of firsts now, I'm scared about how things will feel at Christmas and I really don't know how well I'll be able to face these things, but let's bring on the burrr months and hope for a little positivity... 
On that side of things, we're heading towards the BEST holiday of the year... That's right HALLOWEEN IS COMING so things may start getting a little more costumed up here, not that you'd be able to tell them apart from my usual ramblings though... 

I'm starting the month off slow, I KNOW I've been slow for a while now but I hope things will pick up sooner rather than later. Still I'm playing more, exploring more, getting ready for spooky season and LOVING the fact that we can start getting into Autumnal feels... 
Happened today when I was wandering through my inventory, sorting things and prepping other things... I randomly ended up discovering a dark little square called Last Hope Harbor - a backdrop from K&S - that I HOPED was setting up for Halloween, because the Guillotine - a Guilty Guillotine from Violetility at FameshedX until September 10th - in the middle of the square looked rather ominous. Although judging by the baskets laying around, one could never be sure! 
I was looking for work as a Roming Apothecary - with a bag on my back from Static - but I don't know if they'd want my help here... Not much even the best trained apothecary can do when the head isn't attached! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: CAMO - Umbra F-Locs & Raven Bell - Azriel Braids
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Bag: Static - Roaming Apothecary Pack
Top: PFC - Wooltop
Shorts: PFC - Pumpkin Shorts
Pose: piXit - Twizsted, Pose F5
Guillotine: Violetility - Guilty Guillotine (Available until September 10th at FameshedX)
Buckets: Apple Fall - Stacked Round Baskets
Backdrop: K&S - // Last Hope Harbor backdrop 

Naughty Thots Being Censored

Hard to believe that the month of August is ALMOST gone, and by the end of today we're FINALLY entering the Brrrr months... Autumn has ALWAYS been more of my happy place, Spring is pretty and Winter is fine SURE, but Autumn... I'm happiest there! 
The other place that I ALWAYS seem happiest at the moment is when I can lose myself in a good book. Now I'll admit that lately I haven't been able to, but it's coming back slowly and I have to get my ass into gear so I can still meet this year's target LOL... The sudden interest in reading again is definitely having a few effects on other aspects of my life too... 

It's definitely had an influence on my blogging choice today LOL... I'm still not in the happiest of places, and life is still dragging me by the thong - which is one of my new favourite statements on a shirt thanks to The Kiwi Co - but I guess I have one thing on the brain - lol thanks to everfaery's Thot Bubbles - and these books are helping me act on it... It's been a while since the bad girl in me was released, and my cat has become a "Censor Cat" - from Tardfish - to hide my slutty shame LOL... 

What is she wearing;
Bubble: everfaery - Thot Bubbles
Hair: TRUTH - Verse in Redhead
Glasses: [Since 1975] - Eyeglasses & Condoms
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mouth Money: Mug - Exotic Dancer Gacha Item in #3 Naughty Mouth
Collar & Leash: GABRIEL - Take Me Leash in Black
Top: The Kiwi Co - Graphic Dropped Cami
Panties: Mug - Exotic Dancer Gacha Item in #13 Trixie Thong Black
Cat: Tardfish - Censor Cat in Yams
Pose & Chair: piXit -Elina, Pose 4
Cushions: [Krescendo] - Afterdark Pillow (White colour text used, pillow re-coloured by me!) 
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - CLUB X 

Twenty Years, but no Celebrating!

Today is Rudh's, and therefore MY, 20th Rezday in Second Life... Hard to believe that I've been coming into the crazy world today for 20 long years. Normally I'd be all excited, celebrating and treating the day like my second real Birthday, but this year I don't really feel like celebrating especially after the news of the last few days... 
So this year I'm doing a little reflecting, a lot of thinking and a fair bit of how will my future look going forward... Will I be in Second Life next year when Rudh turns a legal drinking age for America?! 

Over the last two days we have had the announcements that two of the world's greats have left us... Dolly Parton was an Icon, even if you weren't into country music it's not possible to have missed her. EVERYONE has jammed out at some point to a little Jolene, or a bit of 9-5 when the work day was terrible... Tim Curry was one of MY personal Icons, he was a pirate, a blob of evil tar, the world's most twisted clown and many other things but for me, he was the best "Sweet Transvestite" that ever lived... There will be no other 'real' Frankenfurter although others try, so can we do the "Time Warp" and bring them both back?! 
These losses on top of losing Mum last month, and I'm positively NOT in a celebration kinda mood... Although Rudh turning 20 isn't something I can and should ignore... We're not only in double digits now, we're in our second decade... I started when we didn't even have more than prims to play with and flexi was becoming a new thing. Now look at us, we're deeply in our mesh era back to adding clothing layers and have more choices than ever before, yet still people make it a competition and a reason to fight with each other. I love Second Life, it's brought me some of my best things in life, but it's also caused me a LOT of heartache too... Do I miss all the people and things that have left my life? No, not really, not all of them at least... Would I change the way my SL has been? No, not at all, though maybe in hidsight I might have avoided one or two people I knew... Do I think I'll be here another 10 years? By that time I'll be 50, who knows where I'll be?! 
Happy Rezday Rudh... Thank you for being my doll for all these years and putting up with all the crap I've made you do LOL... 

What is she wearing;
Hat & Hair: [monso] - Soph Hair in Black & Red
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Necklace: Kibitz - Ivy's Collar in Silver
Jacket: Pseudo - Leo Leather Jacket in Black
Top: The Kiwi Co.  - Graphically Unhinged Tanks
Tights: Psycho Barbie - [Nox Stockings]
Shorts: miss chelsea - Jaci Shorts
Bracelet: SEKA's - Punkette Wrist
Pose & Props: [piXit] - Punk Much?, Pose F1
Cat: JIAN - Cat Deco Collection in Static Stretcher Up (No Longer Available!)
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - Nagoya 

Fancy Dinners at the Velvet Nocturne

It's my turn to cook dinner today and I'm really not in the mood for anything special... You know how some days it's "I'm really craving...", then there are the days when no one in the house can decide what they want for dinner and it becomes again of "I dunno, what do you want?", today I'm having one of those "I'll make something easy" kinda feelings... Something that reminds me of home and makes people in Holland look at me like I'm bonkers until they taste it! Nothing fancy though like I said...

Rudh on the other hand is going to one of those super fancy, masquerade dinners held by the local vampire elites... They've provided the most decadent of starters for our little sea monster... Pearls in the shell with caviar and oysters... 
The theme of the night is that of decadence... A party fit for Midas and his touch of gold, a place where the Greek Gods of old would feel welcome. Rudh is dripping in pearls, wearing the hands of Hermes - from Tentacio - as her mask and a dress of spun golden roses - which is actually the Rose Dress from AsteroidBox at this month's round of Collabor88, I'll admit as much as I loved the front, the BACK was just *chef's kiss* and I feel we need to give the back of garments more love sometimes LOL - and it's a perfect look for an evening at the Velvet Nocturne - from Synnergy.Tavis - don't you think? 

What is she wearing;
Hair: TRUTH & FAGA - Clarity in Redhead
Mask: Tentacio - Hermes Mask in Gold and Black
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Necklace: (Yummy) - Pearl Cascade Necklace
Body Pearls: Insomnia Angel - Body Pearls
Dress: AsteroidBox - Rose Dress (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Pose & Glass Prop: piXit - Ivory Whispers, Pose 3
Table Decor: [lilp] - Glitz n Glam, Fancy Decor - Open Caviar Tin in Orange (Past Gacha Item), DISORDERLY - Pearlized in Bowl (Past Gacha Item) & BROKEN ARROWS - Santorini in Shell & Pearls
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Velvet Nocturne {360} Backdrop

Puppy Dog Beach Days!

I started back at work this week after a month of mourning and I'll be totally honest, it's drained me of energy but it did feel kinda good to start finding my "normal" without mum around... Having a routine, being around friends and colleagues that care, getting out and seeing things outside my house, so many things to distract me has actually been pretty ok. The worst part was talking to people that knew what happened, about what happened... Customers that had no idea, it's easy to play a part in front of... 
Today though I NEEDED a rest and a chance to feel happy again... 

I'm sure that mum is somewhere my pets are, probably playing with Izzy right now on the beach and enjoying the Summer Sunshine... Apparently it's going to get MUCH hotter here again, and maybe that's why I'm feeling so drained, the weather cannot make up it's mind and people are getting colds! 
I'm going to spend the day at the beach with them, mum and puppy and me... Well puppy me anyway! Puppy me is far too cute, a little like Mum's "dog" - which was actually a fox that was born in my parents garden that always came back to visit for something delicious! - with some very hairy, soft ears! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: everfaery - Pupperette Hair in Full Pack (Available until September 8th at ACCESS)
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mouthie: [Krescendo] - Rope Toy
Collar: Kibitz - Emma's Collar in Silver
Top: AsteroidBox - Elowen Set in Top (Available until September 8th at ACCESS)
Shorts: AsteroidBox - Willow Shorts (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Tail: HAZEL - CANINE BUNDLE in Tail
Pose & Ball/Glasses Props: piXit - Summer Vibes P1, Pose F5
Backdrop: SYNNERGY.TAVIS - Beachfront [360] Backdrop

Closing Away the Midnight Order!

Today is the 20th of August, WHERE DID AUGUST GO? We're nearly done, it's nearly over and there is SO MUCH that has happened I feel like my head is spinning a little bit... Today is also the day that the Midnight Order closes it's doors on this visit, and so it's time to start locking the dark little monsters away before they can continue to wreak havoc in Second Life... 

The team is slowly rounding them up, locking them in their specially designed cells and discussing the possibilities of them coming out to play in a few months for Halloween... Can you believe that it's ALMOST Halloween season?! 
Lots of these monsters are being "housed" in the LAB FIK - a backdrop from Paleto - where they can be constantly monitored... The guards are protected by the latest in Tubed Gas Mask Technology - thanks to the ERG release for Midnight Order - as if the locks fail, the area will be filled with some very strong knock-out gasses. Failing that, each staff member carries their own Waffle "Toothpick" knife for added safety... If they lose it, that's their problem, all staff are issued with these daggers! 
We do have one other way that the duards can communicate with the central offices... Each guard is provided with a Mood Board - from Boutique #187, available now at Ouh LaLa until September 18th - so they can communicate through the cameras in the eventuality that communications go down!! 
We at the Midnight Order like to keep our staff safe from Monster Rage! 

What is she wearing;
Hair: Exile -  Signe in Fantasy
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Mask: (:ERG:) - Tubed Gas Mask (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Outfit: AZARAN - ROSE OUTFIT (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Sign: Boutique #187 - Mood Board (Available until September 8th at Ouh LaLa)
Knife: [WAFFLE] - Toothpick  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Pose: [piXit] - Melanie, Pose 4
Model: H&C - Crazy
Pipes: Petrichor - Kerethan Pipe
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - LAB FIK 

Glamorous Monsters of the Deep

I guess I'm feeling a bit better, I mean I'm not great, no where near back to normal, but tomorrow I've decided that I'll attempt working again. It won't be an all day thing yet, I'm prone to crying a lot and I KNOW tomorrow is going to be hard... The last time I worked, Mum was still alive, but I'm with colleagues that I will look after me and I'm just trying this out... Wish me luck tomorrow... 
For right now though, I'm going to have to do something that distracts me, and tries to remove that nervous energy I have... The best way to do that is to slip into a little fantasy world, right?! 
The best of those seems to be fairy or, if I'm really needing time away from the real world, Mer.... Today We're under the sea, in the ruins of an abandoned, yet haunting city... 

I love being a mermaid or something monstrous under the sea... I dunno why, I guess it's just my favourite of the fae folk... This time I'm a little more of the sea monster variety, but one that is adorning herself in a million different treasures of the deep... 

What is she wearing;
Tiara: cinphul - Salacia Crown
Hair: [monso] - Tsuki Hair in Black & Red (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Head: BeSpoke - Ani Head
Dress & Sleeves: ERSCH - Sedna Dress  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Tattoo: Lilithe' - Ashiok Tattoos in Faint [FULL]  (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Body Paint & Pearl Fins: Faunus - Merfolk in Teal
Gold Scales: Izzie's - Body Mermaid Scales in Gold
Body pearls: Insomnia Angel - Body Pearls
Bubbles: MoonAmore - Ocean Lover in  Bubbles
Pose & Necklace Prop: [piXit] - Athanasia, Pose F2
Pillars: Amadeus - Pulse of the Sea Pillars in Pillar B Obsidian (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Lighting: Botanical - Underwater Caustics Projector CLUSTER v1 (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Aquaria 

Darkness and Magic at the Midnight Order Show

Escaping from reality at the moment seems like a Really good idea, but I'm sure you've picked up on my desire to do that already. I did that yesterday when I had some Ice Cream, and today for some reason I'm feeling a little macabre in a good way... I mean if you've read what I have to say at all by now you'd know that the darker I get, the happier I tend to be, so this is a good sign right?! 
Today I decided to go back to one of my favourite Happy Places... The Carneval... For some reason, killer clowns (SL versions of me ONLY lol) and dark, macabre carni-types make me happy... Let's go play with them shall we?! 

Up on the stage, that has been known to be used for everything ranging from comedy nights to burlesque - a backdrop from Paparazzi by the way - one of the Carnival Freaks has a magician's show to perform... This one may go wrong at any point, hence the leftover body parts, but she's trying, what more can you expect?! 
Least if the magic trick goes wrong, her adorable little Jester Rat - from Tardfish, available until Augusut 31st at The Men's Department - can provide a brilliant distraction for the crowd, whilst the cleaning crew come in to help!!! 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Moon Amore - Circus Gacha Item in Insane HAT Coal
Hair: Wasabi - Postcard Hair in Offbeat
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Collar, Halo & Veil: CUREMORE - Freak Circus Items (No Longer Available!)
Shoulder Pet: Tardfish - Jester Rat (Available until August 31st at The Men's Department)
Necklace: Oblivis Solem - Secret Bastion Key in Gold Pack (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Dress: AsteroidBox - Lenore Dress (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Socks: AsteroidBox - Lenore Shoes & Garters (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Saw: LEMME - The Magician Saw in Blood
Pose: -Extra- - Wildflower, Pose 2 (Available until August 23rd at Smokefest)
Table: ANTINATURAL[+] - Carnival Freaks Gacha Item in Magician's Secret (No Longer Available!)
Body Parts: LOVE - Unfortunate Guests PACK 2 in Bits and Pieces
Sign: ANTINATURAL[+] - Carnival Freaks Gacha Item in Joyful Sign (No Longer Available!)
Backdrop: Paparazzi - BACKDROP - Burlesque 

Happy Making Ice Cream

Last night, we had a funny moment at home... The hubby came running down the stairs, shouting at me that he needed to go to the store before it closed... He was having a MASSIVE craving for Ice Cream, and as our new fridge freezer arrived yesterday he knew he could put some ice cream in it... 
I guess, for the first time in a while, that it inspired me to do something a little fun and a lot silly... Maybe I'm on the healing path, and finally able to let go a little?! I was inspired, I ate Ice Cream... The Fairies came back out to play... 

I am not a huge fan of Ice Cream, that's always been Hell's thing but granted I do like it occasionally and I couldn't really resist considering how warm it has been recently. 
While I was making a mess in the kitchen with all of the different options in the American Classic range - from Lucas Lameth - HellBone decided to show me how much he truly loves Ice Cream by presenting me with an Ice Cream Topiary - this one from the Patriotic Set, but there are other combinations available too at Simply Shelby - which ALSO lead to two things happening... 
One, the pug managed to get up on the counter and get his way into an Ice Cream tub - this pug is from Jian and I am both happy and sad to hear that Jian will be closing. It's great that new directions will be taken but Jian was ALWAYS one of my favourite places for the cute animals in SL! - and Two, the Ice Cream attracted a fairy who was desperate for something sweet and cold... I totally agree with her excitement... 

What is she wearing;
Hair Accessory: kotte - Face Pack in Sprinkles Icing Mess
Hair: Moon. Hair - Cupcake
Glasses: Suicidal Unborn!- Pastel Sunglasses
Wings: Doe - Dragon Pixie Wings 01 in Rainbow Neon
Boa: Moon Amore - Melted Boa in KITSCH BOA (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Body Paint: Izzie's - Rainbow Powder Explosion & Ladybird - Rainbow Body Glitter
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Outfit: CUREMORE - Melty Love OUTFIT
Pose: [piXit] - Manaram, Pose 2
Topiary: Simply Shelby - Patriotic Ice Cream Topiary Set in Ice Cream Bar Flower Topiary White
Ice Cream Decor: (Lucas Lameth) - Ice-Cream, American Classic
Dog: JIAN - Sneaky Snacker in Ice Cream Pug
Melted Ice Creams: random.Matter - Ice Cream Bar in Melted Cones
Melted Ice Lolly: random.Matter - Ice Cream Bar in Melted CreamPop Strawberry
Plant Pot: vespertine - Large Potted Chrysanthemums (Flowers Derendered)
Table Top: KraftWork - Carolean Round Table 

A Dark Day at the Beach

Everyone and their aunty seemed to be flocking to the beach yesterday as it was supposedly the best place to see the Eclipse that happened last night... I should have gone, I should have tried to participate but I just felt like crap and while I was in my PJs I missed the event as the sun was hidden behind a building on our street... It's fine, for me I feel like the sun has already gone, and the Summer can quite frankly sod off now... I'm done with the heat... I cannot wait for the Brrrrr months! 
Still I realised that I haven't been to the beach this Summer, I haven't felt the sand between my toes and the cold waves rushing to meet me... So maybe I need to rectify that situation a little bit?! 

Apparently it's going to be another scorchingly hot day today and I'm REALLY not a fan of that... Like I said, roll on the Brrr months! Dark little Living Dead me, really isn't a fan of being too hot... I'd much rather be too cold and wrap up under a ton of blankets! The beach and I are just not really friends because of that LOL... 
It really is too fecking hot today, the beach will be the coolest place, least one can hope anyway!!! 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Mug - Beach Day Gacha Item in #6 Beach Hat Black
Hair: TRUTH & Wasabi - Beach Day in Redhead
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Sunglasses: Boutique #187 - Metal Frame Sunglasses
Necklace & Bracelets: Static - Morte Ornare
Black Top: Mug - Birdie Top in Black
White Top: Mug - Delilah Tank in White
Shorts: Mug - Delilah Shorts in Black
Bucket: Doe - My Gothic Beach Bucket in Dinosaurs
Pose: [piXit] - Pupa, Pose 3
Chair: CHEZ MOI - Maluma Beach Chair
Parasol: [Merak] - Parasol Stripe
Backdrop: K&S - // Lighthouse Backdrop 

Said It All

Yesterday was the day that my Mum was cremated... Yesterday was the day that everything felt so final... It's been a long month to get here, but yesterday was the day that she was finally able to be at rest... Soon she'll be back with us where she belongs and I KNOW I cannot wait to have her home again...

So while I'll be mourning in Private for now, I wanted to take a moment to send everyone a hug. Tell you all that, if you're still lucky enough to have your mum around and you love her even just a little, remember to give her a hug and tell her that...
To my mum, and I KNOW you won't read this, but I wanna say it anyway... You knew that SL was a big part of me, you didn't ever really understand it but when it took my life in the direction it did I'm sure you thought I was crazy... You accepted it was a part of me, and welcomed the parts of my life that it brought you, like your crazy Dutch son-in-law... That's why I've had to take a few moments just to let Rudh leave you a thank you, shed a tear for you and become my therapy as I heal through these difficult times... 
I love you mum, you were always my favourite person - just don't tell Dad I said so - and I will see you again every time I look at the clouds or smell the flowers or find that perfect shell on the beach... One last thing to share with you today, since it was one of your favourites... Take That have "Said It All" for and with you... 

What is she wearing;
Flowers: *Lode* - Cydonia Hair Accessory [Full pack]
Hair: TRUTH - Odyssey in Redhead
Skin: Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Eyes: Izzie's - Lua Eyes in Teary Eyes Green
Eye Make-Up: WarPaint - Regal Eyeshadow & Pearls, Worn With Izzie's - Smeared Mascara & Little Tears
Necklace & Earrings: (Yummy) - Moonveil Collection (Available until August 30th at Collabor88)
Top: miss chelsea - Sora Set in Tank
Pose: piXit - Melanie, Pose 1
Backdrop: Synnergy.Tavis - Petalgrave Garden {360} Backdrop

Wanna Fight? Bring It On!

Grief is such a terrible and weird thing for anyone to go through... They say there are 5 main phases, but honestly it feels more like you're on a sliding scale and can go backwards or forwards at any time... I feel like I'm taking two steps forwards and then four back, only to move another five forwards and three back... If I could just work through the stages without any of this back and forth, that might be good for me right now... 
At the moment I'd say I'm definitely feeling angry about things... It's time to vent again... Please bear with me... 

When you lose anyone it doesn't matter who or how, even discovering someone you barely knew has passed can be a strange feeling of grief but, and maybe this will sound weird, I am angry about a few things and I guess the guilt of being mad at them isn't helping me heal... 
We've known that mum was sick since November, that's true... My parents decided that it was better for us to NOT know how bad things were so that we'd continue with our crazy busy lives as normal. I don't hate them for their choice, but mentally I had less than a month to prepare and yes I KNOW there'd never be enough time to get used to the idea that someone you're very close to is terminally ill, but it might have helped a little now if I'd known earlier?! Maybe?! 
Also, and this may sound even weirder... My grandmother - Mum's Mum - has been sick with demensia, unable to get out of bed, and wishing that she would be able to just sleep and not wake up for almost 2 years now... She's 94... WHY DID MUM HAVE TO GO FIRST?! I love my Grandma, I've been mentally preparing to have to say goodbye for a long time, and she out-lived my mum... Why couldn't mum have done what her mum did and live to be as old as the dinosaurs?! 
Perhaps it's weird to think like that, and I promise it's not the most forefront thoughts in my mind, but it's there... It's hurting and I NEEDED to release... Some day I will get back to blogging properly when I feel up to it, following the schedule I set and managing targets but right now... Anyone wanna fight me?

What is she wearing;
Hair: Wasabi - Sunkissed TSS Ed. Hair in Absolute Pack
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Choker: Kibitz - Felicia's Thick Choker in Blank
Jacket: Gabriel - One-shoulder Riders Jacket in Black
Glove: PSYCHO:Byts - Avril Arm Warmers
Dress: Psycho Barbie - Fire Starter
Pose & Prop: [piXit] - Punk Much, Pose 5
Garbage: UrBaN SpIrIt - Garbage Day Items
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - WD-5 

Bonnie Chaos at Midnight

I'm at that stage now, where I don't know what to do but I don't really want to do anything... Yes it is apparently just me going through the grieving process but right now I feel somewhat useless and nothing I seem to try is working... I can't get into reading, knitting, decorating in RL or SL, and blogging therapy seems to be a non-starter too... There are so many fun things I could be doing... What am I doing? Doom-scrolling and staring into space... Everything I try seems to be going wrong!!

I NEED to find a way to turn my brain off, to stop myself from wallowing and yes, allow myself to grieve but allow myself to find strength and start finding my "normal" again... I'm dreading it!
Everything seems to be going wrong or turning to chaos and I'm NOT going to let myself drown in that... Think of the chaos that some people go through, real or imagined and things don't look so bad, I guess... 
I NEED a RL distraction for a bit... Something Dark, Mysterious and set in a Midnight Order perhaps... Something with gangsters and molls, something twisted and chaotic... 

What is she wearing;
Hat: Magika - Abigail Hair Hat
Hair: About Love - Sultry Hairstyle
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Jacket: [VOZ] - Umbrae Set in Coat (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Corset Top: SOJOUR - Luize Corset (Available until August 20th at Midnight Order)
Lace Skirt: Stories&Co - Sherry Skirt in Cream&Black Lace
Pose & Prop: [PiXit] - Juliette, Pose F5
Car Decor: Dirty Rat - The Botched Job
Falling Money: [Bad Unicorn] - The Heat Gacha in Falling Cash
Gun Case: /MURDER\ - Commie Tommy
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - Decatur Street