Grief is such a terrible and weird thing for anyone to go through... They say there are 5 main phases, but honestly it feels more like you're on a sliding scale and can go backwards or forwards at any time... I feel like I'm taking two steps forwards and then four back, only to move another five forwards and three back... If I could just work through the stages without any of this back and forth, that might be good for me right now...
At the moment I'd say I'm definitely feeling angry about things... It's time to vent again... Please bear with me...
When you lose anyone it doesn't matter who or how, even discovering someone you barely knew has passed can be a strange feeling of grief but, and maybe this will sound weird, I am angry about a few things and I guess the guilt of being mad at them isn't helping me heal...
We've known that mum was sick since November, that's true... My parents decided that it was better for us to NOT know how bad things were so that we'd continue with our crazy busy lives as normal. I don't hate them for their choice, but mentally I had less than a month to prepare and yes I KNOW there'd never be enough time to get used to the idea that someone you're very close to is terminally ill, but it might have helped a little now if I'd known earlier?! Maybe?!
Also, and this may sound even weirder... My grandmother - Mum's Mum - has been sick with demensia, unable to get out of bed, and wishing that she would be able to just sleep and not wake up for almost 2 years now... She's 94... WHY DID MUM HAVE TO GO FIRST?! I love my Grandma, I've been mentally preparing to have to say goodbye for a long time, and she out-lived my mum... Why couldn't mum have done what her mum did and live to be as old as the dinosaurs?!
Perhaps it's weird to think like that, and I promise it's not the most forefront thoughts in my mind, but it's there... It's hurting and I NEEDED to release... Some day I will get back to blogging properly when I feel up to it, following the schedule I set and managing targets but right now... Anyone wanna fight me?
What is she wearing;
Hair: Wasabi - Sunkissed TSS Ed. Hair in Absolute Pack
Skin: amara beauty - Freya in Ivory
Choker: Kibitz - Felicia's Thick Choker in Blank
Jacket: Gabriel - One-shoulder Riders Jacket in Black
Glove: PSYCHO:Byts - Avril Arm Warmers
Dress: Psycho Barbie - Fire Starter
Pose & Prop: [piXit] - Punk Much, Pose 5
Garbage: UrBaN SpIrIt - Garbage Day Items
Backdrop: PALETO.Backdrop - WD-5
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